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The black orb sucked in dirt, gravel and bits and pieces of the Cutting Dimension itself as Xela laughed evilly. ”Agemo, Agemo, Ix, Un, Um!” he crowed as the black orb of crotch energy was dry humped into an even more ferocious form as it grew arms that ended in razor blades, legs that ended in rusted chainsaws, gnashing horrid teeth that shredded the very daylight from the sky, and an evil eye that finally did what many could not, shut the women on the View up for ten minutes. And in those ten minutes, Alex saw the fullest fury of what he was going up against. 

“Xi, Nu, Alpha, Omega!” Alex roared back as a halo of lightning zapped into being over his head and a bright white orb started forming inside of it. ”Through the power of God shall you be known, and through the power of Darkness shall ye fail!” Xela screamed as he rushed towards Alex with unparalleled speed, as Alex simply directed the beams of light that shot from the white orb. 

“Alpha, Omega, Mu, Nu, Xi!” the beams curved left, then bent right, then drove themselves underground while Xela took a moment to gloat. ”Ha! You can’t even-” Alex smiled as the beams slammed through Xela’s head and body as it fell to the ground like a rag doll. 

“I can’t believe he was that… never mind. I guess we have to fight.. well… what ever that is.” the Preacher sighed to himself as he pointed in disappointment at the black orb of crotch energy still rampaging towards him. ”Mu, Nu, Xi, Omega, Alpha!” the Preacher called out as the monsters black lightning like hands slammed him to the ground, and punched him through the chest into the air. The white halo shot off the top of his head and wrapped itself around its neck, the monster shivering as it was slowly choked of the life giving air.

 ”Nu, Xi, Mu!” Alex called out, rocketing the monster up into the air under one pillar of light, and while ten thousand more slammed through it from above. The thunderous explosions let him know the deed was done.Mu and Nu looked at each other, then to Alex, who had simply sat down while the still smoking remains of Xela slowly, and jerkily stood up.

 ”You… you think I’m done with-“ ”Nu, Mu!” the Negapreacher fell to the ground as his body was pelted with explosive darts that ripped through his glass like body as if it was a wet paper bag.  ”Yes… I think you are done with me. But I am not done with you. Tell, me where I can find the one known as Pi?” Aex asked with a smile on his face as Xela’s head still lived.

 Xela simply smiled and started to glow. “birthday cake.” Alex was confused by this. “huh?”

Xi smiled as he recognized his brother’s voice. “You bastard! Why’ed you attack us like that? And more importantly, why’ed you give up so easily?” the Fragment asked its sibling.As Xela’s body shrunk into a shard of blue crystal, Alex opened up the tray in his neck and placed Pi’s shard next to Alpha and Omega’s,  near Mu, Nu, and Xi’s as well. 

“Well that certainly was invigorating, and easy to use as well!” Alex said happily, continuing on his way as the Fragments conversed amongst themselves. They were located inside a memory of Alex’s where he was in a conference room with a large table that had thirty one leather seats. Alpha and Omega next to each other, while the four sat together to the right of Alpha. ’So I guess this means we’ll have to call ourselves something right?’ Omega asked quietly.

Alex listened in on the conversation, and often asked questions about where they might need to go to find this Fragment, or if there was any meaning in the number of letters in their names. ’Actually there is, now that you mention it. The larger the name, the stronger the Fragment, but at the same time, the smaller the name, the more spread out the attack will be.’ Pi explained. ‘My brothers and I are the weakest of the thirty one Fragments of Reality, but Alpha and Omega are the weakest of Stigma’s group.’  Alex was simply amazed that the Fragments had their own ranking systems.

“Stigma? Who’s that?” Alex asked as he stepped over a tiny blue whale that was beached. “Wait, you guys are named after theGreek alphabet?” ’Yeah, pretty much.’ Omega chimed in. She put her hand in Alpha’s and the kissed, which drew a few retching sounds from Mu and Nu. 

‘Heta is our leader. Alpha and I are from the Quaquin group of the Fragments. While Mu, Nu, Xi, and Pi are from the Duotri, lead by Sho.’ Omega continued. Alex had a lot to take in, since he had just learned about the Fragments only two weeks ago. “So that must mean there is a third leader floating around there somewhere. Right?” 

‘Correct, her name is Stigma, she’s the leader of the Sexasept group.’ Mu answered happily. ”So does that mean someone is the boss of those three?” Alex questioned. 

‘How do you mean?’ Alpha replied as he looked around the room. ”You know, like a leader that Stigma, Heta, and Sho report to?” 

‘Nope. Those three were elected leaders by majority vote, the way they lead is different. Stigma leads by strength, Sho leads by wisdom, and Heta leads by defense.’ Xi said in a weird tone of voice.Tina slammed the blue Pool Noodle down on Chrissy’s head while Tina Door slammed the woman’s head into a pile of rocks on the ground.

 ”So is that the best you can do?” Chrissy said as she wiped dirt off her face. ”I’m bored of this, SCENE CHANGE!” the reprsenative for the chasm roared as the pool noodles turned into boxing gloves packed to the gills with hundreds of yotta tons of tiny Hydrogen bombs and a watter bottle filled with Nitro. 

“Why?” the Knight in bloody armor said as he was socked in the face by Al Gore with one such boxing glove. The explosion defied all laws of governing physics, as the of the explosion was not only direct, but focused in such a way that not even the Chasm could imagine the devastation. Chrissy barely had time to react, in effect, half her rib cage had been ripped clear off her body, and she simply fell into the continuous stream of yotta degreed energy. ”Guess that means I wi-” Tina’s legs were shredded from beneath her as the energy bounced off the ground and slammed through her face, and fell to the ground. The Door and the Chasm giggled in silence as they secretly enjoyed that tiny spectacle which they watched, as the energy, with no real place to go, simply refracted out of a tiny prism that turned it into a rainbow of death. A new voice raged out of the energy stream, 

“I am Royg Biv! Leader of the Prism People’s Revolution!” the man said as he stepped out of the rays of death like light, and was instantly cut in half by his own creator. ”MOTHER FUCKER!” he shouted in pain.

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The black orb sucked in dirt, gravel and bits and pieces of the Cutting Dimension itself as Xela laughed evilly. “Agemo, Agemo, Ix, Un, Um!” he crowed as the black orb of crotch energy was dry humped into an even more ferocious form as it grew arms that ended in razor blades, legs that ended in rust …

Glenn Beck, dressed in floating demonic armor, with a battle ax made of frozen jello in one hand and a shield that was made out of Oprah’s hair in the other, shouted Aneeh’s name before exploding into a fireball of self loathing that only the Chasm could dream of.

 ”Wow… simply… wow.” she said calmly as her brother ismply shrugged and shot eric massa in the head with a cross bow.

“So, my dearest little sister, I think it’s time we had a talk about what Joshua did to our family that was so horrific, don’t you?” Joseph said with a calm voice, giving no impression that he would attack his sister.  ”You don’t get it do you!?” Aneeh screamed out loud, “YOU JUST DON’T GET IT! JOSHUA WAS PLANNING TO KILL OUR GRANDFATHER!” Joseph remained calm and collected as the scene played out exactly as Joshua had told him it would.

“Listen… Aneeh. I have something to tell you, something you may not want to hear, but I’m going to tell it to you anyways.” the Arhem man requested quietly. “Joshua, my dearest baby brother, found something out about Grandpa Arhem, something that caused him great grief.” Joseph began in a happy tone of voice. He watched as Aneeh tried to still her beating heart, so full of rage and anger towards her own sibling that it had blinded her to the truth. “He found out that Grandpa Arhem had figured out the locations of the Flesh Bound Book, the Broken Blade, and the Stolen Soul. He had found those three items, and was about to use them to kill you off!” her brother continued, ignoring Morgan’s slowly regenerating body. “Don’t you see Aneeh? Grandpa Arhem found out about your secret, the one all three of us swore to protect with our lives! He knew that the Book, the Blade, and the Soul were the only ture means of ending our lives, so Joshua explained that he was going to stop the Arhem Family Head’s plan, to nix the youngest generation!” Joseph watched with a tear in his eyes as Aneeh simply fell to her knees in the middle of space, which by now had changed into a jumpy house filled with little plastic balls.

“But that can’t be!” she screeched, “No… I refuse to believe it! Parivāra kē khūna kī rēkhā kē viśvāsaghātī, śāpa maiṁ tumhēṁ maranē kē li’ē!” she pointed a finger at her brother, who simply stood there. “Why won’t you believe me Aneeh!? Is it that hard to accept the truth that Joshua was trying to protect you!? Why are you so stubborn that you would kill your own brother, and now your trying to kill me off as well!? God damn it! I’m trying to keep the last specks of the Arhem family together!” Joseph yelled out while he started to tremble. “Yes, we are working for the Chasm, yes, I agree that Joshua could’ve done things different, he could’ve just destroyed the Book, melted the Blade, and freed the Soul. But he knew, Aneeh. He knew that our Grandfather would never allow such a secret to be kept with our lives! That’s why he chose to be shunned, as long as you remained safe!” Aneeh looked furious at first, then she lowered her finger. A thought he started to grow in her mind, a thought that maybe what Joshua did wasnt so bad after all, and that Joseph was telling the truth.

 She couldn’t let her anger at the incident go, no matter what truths were revealed. Or it was more like her anger would never let Aneeh go.  ”I will kill you Joseph, I will defeat the Chasm’s plans with Morgan and we will be victorious. I’m sorry that our trio could not live to see this day, but there has been too much blood shed, and no matter how many times I wash my hands of it, there will always be that stain and smell that disgusts me to no end on them!” Aneeh said in a quivering voice. “This is my final decision, and when I kill you-”

“If it means that much to you, for me to die as well, so that what ever’s eating away at you, will be even the least bit satisfied, then I will do the deed myself.” Joseph interrupted. The ruins that the Chasm had placed in his body started to glow as cracks spread out from his body.

 ”I love you Aneeh, don’t ever forget that. And find yourself a man, so that the next generation of Arhems can become reality. Protect out bloodli-” Joseph stopped suddenly as flames erupted from the cracks like lightning, shattering the Arhem man into an untold number of peices. “Parivāra kē khūna kī rēkhā kē viśvāsaghātī, śāpa maiṁ tumhēṁ maranē kē li’ē…” Aneeh repeated sadly, as the wall in her mind that blocked off the memories of their childhood melted away. She could only stand there in thought, her eyes half closed as a freshly regenerated hand rested on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry for your loss. We have work to do, and God only knows how far away Antimo is by this point.” Morgan said with a bit of sadness to his voice. He started to walk into the distance, occasionally giving into the urge of bouncing a few times with a gleefull expresion on his face.  ’No… you will never know the depths that our roots  are interconnected Morgan, you will never know.’ the Arhem woman thought coarsely as a new voice entered her mind.

‘Oh yes he will. You’ve forgotten already, but he lost his Wife to the Golden Strands, and even though he’s still strong on the outside, he’s constantly taking a beating deep down.’ Credion sighed as she stepped out of Aneeh’s body. The war had taken a strange and unexpected turn, as the Door and the Chasm became corporate CEOs and had arrange a Pool Noodle fight to encourage intercompany relations. Although only they knew the truth. For the first time, both leaders of the armies that were fighting against each other, took on Human forms.

The Door of Existence, took on the form of a Black woman with shoulder length hair, a medium sized chest, average looks, and had two blazingly bright blue eyes. She was dressed in a business casual suit, dark grey pumps, and had a briefcase that occasionally released sparks into the air that created more of the Granite Statues. The Chasm however, created the hollow shell of a White woman, dark blonde hair that was tied off into a ponytail that reached the small of her back, with ravaging rouge colored eyes that had snake like slits for pupils. She was dressed in a dark black robe with a white hood that hung loosely over one shoulder. And not much else. The robe was tied off.

 As both women stepped out of their respective holes, they gave each other snarling looks of the deepest contempt. “Well, I suppose we should give our armies their respective colored Pool Noodles to beat each other up with?” the Door said as she adjusted her right breast which had decided to take a road trip across her body. Half way through its trip, it ran out of gas and pulled into a nearby station. In the middle of filling its tank up, it decided to return to the bra cup that it missed so much. The Chasm laughed like a crack head on spring break with two eightballs laid out before it. “Yes we should, and perhaps we should give each’s names. By the way? You look like you’ve dressed to be a stripper.”

The Door simply ignored these remarks. “You know as well as I do that our true bodies remain in their steadfast postions. Try to remember that one fact at least. My name shall be…” the Door thought to herself as her vagina shot out a galaxy size beam of light, turning the midget who was underneath it into a pile of ash. “Ah, the felt good! My name shall be tina, Tina Door.” tina said with a pleasant smile. The chasm simply coughed as her vagina shot out a roaring red beam of molten blood. “Fuck it, my name’s Chrissy, Chrissy Chasm.”

“Suits you well,” Tina smiled as smoke flowed out of her vagina, causing a passing family to gawk and stare. “Extreme PMS.” Tina said calmly. “Anyways my side shall have blue Pool Noodles, and your side shall have red Pool Noodles. Agreed?” in respone, Chrissy gave Tina the finger and punched her in the stomach. “Yeah. What about us? Are we just going to fight it out to the death, or will we let our armies just kill each other for eternity?” Chrissy said with a bit of a cynical tone to her voice. Tina thought quietly for a while as yet another Midget was victim to her vagibeam.

“Nope, our chosen warriors will represent us in the End Game. Besides, if we get bored, we’ll just change things around.” the Door said with out much thought. Alex, Omega, and Alpha had reached the inner most depths of the Cutting Dimension, and had managed to collect three of the twelve Fragments named Mu, Nu, and Xi, who were  under Sho’s command, when they reached a snag in their journey. The Fragments themselves had made an enemy out of the fourth and final member of the dual lettered Fragments, Pi.

‘This happened,’ Xi explained, ‘When Mu ate Pi’s birthday cake by accident, right in front of Pi herself. The whole thing. Even Nu didn’t get a peice.’ Alex wondered if the shorter the names of the fragments, the less rational they became had anything to do with it. Alpha rejected that idea when he revealed that all Fragments were of equal intelligence. ‘It’s just that Pi really likes birthday cake.’ he said inside of Alex’s mind, which was a lot roomier then Morgan’s.

“By the way,” the Preacher asked cautiously, “I have been wondering this for a while, but have they encountered Morgan as well?” Alex wondered with a bit of bewilderment in his voice. Omega answered before the three had a chance for themselves. “Yes… in fact, that’s how Morgan managed to snag us up before Alpha and I were exiled to our little prison. They would’ve just destroyed us, and then rebuilt new Fragments out of our bodies, but that’s just how the Leaders are I guess.” she hummed while Mu simply shoved another peice of birthday cake in her mouth.

Alex noticed that Mu, Nu, and Xi looked like children in appearance, while Alpha and Omega looked middle aged. He wasn’t sure if something happened once they got promoted, or if that’s just the way the Fragment’s caste system worked. But it did have some potential for research. They walked along the Cutting Dimension’s edges, noting the differences between the forest of spinning razors  to their left, the ocean of peoples faces being slapped by whale sized fish to their right, the sky of jellyfish with spiked collars above them, and the sand made out of peoples noses under their feet.   “Wow… this place is a strange and wonderful… Whatever is it.” Alex seemed to say before noticing a person that looked exactly like him, only dressed in opposite color scheme.

“Are you a fellow Minister, tasked with the mission of spreading the word of God around?” Alex asked happily as he raised a hand to give, what he thought was a fellow believer, a hand shake. “No, I was tasked with peeling your skin off, setting fire to your entrails, and then ramming my fist through your still quivering heart. But I’ll shake your hand anyways, it’s nice to have someone that welcomes their own death in this place. It’s a rare commodity.” the person said in frozen tones.

Alex felt a dark power surge through him, like a shard of metal so cold, that it thoroughly chilled him to the bone. “Might I know the name of my attempted slayer?” the Preacher asked, still maintaining a friendly smile, even through the Fragments inside of him were shouting wanrings at the top of their lungs. “Oh… sure! My name is Xela, and… well, I’m going to kill you, to put it bluntly. Oh yeah, I like your watch! Hekuri ndezur Hell’s gomave!” Xela said calmly, still holding on to Alex’s hand, while a flaming tire iron made of Demon bones smashed him in the temple, sending him reeling to the ground.

“Fight back you idiot!” Xi yelled out to Alex. “Call out our names in any order you wish, and then we shall do our stuff!” Alpha said calmly, as Alex struggled to get to his feet.

“Um… Xi, Mu, Nu, Omega!” a diamond studded boxing glove sprang out of a little door on the ground and sent Xela rocketing into the air, occasionally getting zapped by the jellyfish or stabbed by their spiked collars. “So you have the Fragments of Reality!? Fine! I’ll fight back with the Fragments of Discord! Agemo, Un, Um, Ix!” Xela called out as rockets burst from the folds of his clothes and slammed into the ground around Alex. The explosions sent him flying, but the Preacher still remained as focused as ever.

“Alpha, Mu, Xi, Omega!” the Preacher called out and Zombies were shot out of a giant supersoaker. “Oh come on! I hate Zombies! Are they wearing packs of plastic explosives? Oh shi-” the Zombies grabbed onto Xela whereever their rotting hands could, exploding with the slightest bit of contact.

Xela was slammed into an outcrop of rocks that looked more like the blades of a blender than rocks. “Agemo, Ahpla, Um, Ix!” the Negapreacher shouted with glee as a giant cannon ripped through the crotch of his pants, and gathered energy into a tiny black orb. “Think you can survive this Alex? DIE!”

 

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Glenn Beck, dressed in floating demonic armor, with a battle ax made of frozen jello in one hand and a shield that was made out of Oprah’s hair in the other, shouted Aneeh’s name before exploding into a fireball of self loathing that only the Chasm could dream of. “Wow… simply… wow.” she sa …

Morgan looked in disbelief at what had just transpired in front of him.

‘What the fuck!?’ the severed head thought to itself, as the mind started to come back online.

“Dearest sister! I’ve miss you ever so much!” Joseph said in honey sweet tones that made Aneeh shiver in her non-boots.

 ’I really don’t like him any more.’ the Arhem woman stated next to the Deom as Credion had only one option to use. She was about to press the ‘eject person’ button when Morgan’s voice entered her mind.  ’No… not yet.. wait till you can see the whites of his eyes… then fire with Hell’s fury.’ this order made no sense to Credion what so ever and she simply pressed the button.

A large diamond studded Foxy Boxing glove slammed into the Arhem woman’s face from underneath Aneeh and sent her flying out of the dislodged eyeball of Morgan. “There you are dearest sister, I’ve missed you ever so much! Bāṣpīkaraṇīya tūphāna!” Joseph commanded as he held out his hand. A tiny hatch opened up and a little platform with a tiny  stadium popped out, where a small little known boy band performed for thousands of screaming Nonobots, that is until Joseph slammed his fist into and unleashed the full fury of ten million angry fans upon Aneeh’s form.

 ”This is what you get for disappointing Father Aneeh Arhem! Pānī kē kāma kē sātha vikāsa kī samasyā’ōṁ!” her brother shouted as hundreds of bills for stadium damages were thrown at Aneeh, slamming her in the arms and legs with dollar amounts she didn’t know existed. “How do you like them apples!?” her brother laughed as shark fins burst through the space around him, signaling their arrival.

 ”I don’t like apples! They make me fart!” Aneeh screamed back at her brother as debt collectors with Yakuza Ducktails started circling her. “Where’s our money!?” they asked her furiously as she gave her dirty looks that somehow lumped clods of dirt on her face.

“My brother has the money, ask him.” the collectors twisted their snake like forms together and charged at Joseph who calmly raised his hand again. “Glēna baika, maiṁ tumakō bulānē!” he called out as storm clouds gathered in the middle of space, for no reason at all. All at once, the ghost of New York City appeared like a fog, until a man in a tattered trench coat and a burning brief case walked out from the slowly evaporating spirit of the city.

“Direct me Master, for you have summoned me, and I am insane beyond belief!” the spirit said as the brief case opened up and let loose the dogs of Fox News. “Kill her, Glenn Beck.” jospeh commanded his servant.

“She is going to release a personal book against you, and you will summon the demons at your disposal! now!” Glenn Beck’s eyes shot fire out in several waves, the flames lashing out at Aneeh Arhem, who simply raised her hand and spoke the ancient rite, which brought forth a creature just as powerful, if not more, than Glenn Beck himself. “Ērika Massa, apanē gadhē vahām̐ aura glēna becks ahaṅkāra kō māra ḍālō!” Aneeh smiled and gave a quick look back to the floating head of Morgan, whose body was slowly coming back together.

Nordafet was both shocked and stupified. “How the fuck are we supposed to fight Glenn Beck!? He’s fucking insane!” the deom screamed, slamming his fist on the inside of Morgan’s skull. Reason, still amazed at the hallucination Morgan just had quietly commented “Eric Massa.”

Credion nodded quietly. “Yes… Eric should be strong enough to out crazy Glenn Beck’s idealistic insanity. But the question is, will he give us the proof that he’s been wasting our time?” Reason poked his head out of the energy cloud that floated above the floor below Nordafet’s location.  ”He must! He must out crazy Glenn Beck! Eric Massa and his tickle fighting skills must over power Glenn fucking Beck!” the Persona shouted.

Out side the battle was already heavily underway, with brother against sister, their eyes locking and never leaving the others gaze once. The two summoned creatures did battle by sitting at a blue desk facing each other.  ”Someone’s writing a book about me! There are literally dark forces out to get me and my Communatzi party! Social injustice!” Glenn Beck shot at Eric Massa, unleashing a tidal wave of insanity that came in the form of gold plated rubber ducks, emblazoned with the image of their lord and masters, Bert and Ernie Hitler.

“Oh yeah?” Eric began to shoot back. “Guess what? I’ve had my fortieth birthday party in a room filled with guys, and we were tickle fighting! Hya! Beware my skills of the Tickle Ninjas!” Eric fired back, positioning his fingers on the sides of Glenn’s neck and rubbing furiously, unleashing an army of Tickle Ninjas, armed with the latest in Tickle Torture Technology. The Door and Chasm waged a stalemated war against each other, both their armies had been killed and reborn one hundred thousand times, and they showed no signs of stopping. The Granite Statues fell on top of the broken bodies of their previous selves, ruptured open, and the contents roared out ready for battle, the Knight in bloody armor gasped for a single breath before a giant foot with faces on the bottom of each toe, stabbed him in the face with a slab of umbrella tooth picks.

“Now stay down, bitch!”  the foot’s little toe screamed with a fury that melted the polar ice cap next to him. “What the fuck! Dude! Global warming?” the ice cap shrieked as the most lethal weapon of the Chasm punched through the quickly melting ice caps.

“We’re facing the ugly truth people!” the Knight, in its current lifes last moments, swore to himself as Al Gore stood above him like a demon with a freshly pressed suit. Exafanisi Tis Kardias screamed as Sho beat her down with little to no mercy what so ever. The fragment unleashed a fiery pile driver that ripped the Plant Woman’s right arm off, picked it up and slapped Exafanisi around so hard, that pieces of her simply exploded off her body.

“No! My other boob! Why must my boobs explode with the rage of Mount Olympus on crack!?” she screamed as her hands burst into a storm cloud of vines that wrapped around Sho’s neck, arms, legs, and waist. “You!” she raged with a full hatred in her eyes, that could only be explained as the Devil’s worst nightmare. “Shall DIE! Your soul… IS MINE! Parali̱ri̱tikés parádeisos:̱ Rip thánatos!” Exafanisi screamed as the vines pulled the Fragment in all directions, but Sho simply yawned.

“Is this really all of the ex-lover of the Ruby Wolf can do? Pathetic, let me show you how it’s really done! Parali̱ri̱tikés parádeisos:̱ rip thánatos!”  The Fragment’s arms duplicated Exafanisis movements exactly, but her vines were flexible chainsaws that seemingly wrapped Exafanisi in a thick ball of sharp blades.

“Kommatáki Tyfó̱nas!” the Fragment roared as the Plant Woman felt the blades slowly grid her to a pulp. The blades, tearing little chunks off at first, then grew longer till they were like the ravenous mouths of Rihana fans everywhere, looking to tear Chris Brown apart. “You see, this is how it’s done… I sense there is still some Humanity in you… but the Golden Strands have all but devoured you!” she said in a cold voice. “You shall die a mercifully quick death, Plásma alésmatos:̱ Ekató chiliádes si̱meío tou fo̱tós!” Sho bellowed as she whipped her arms around wildly, the chainsaws turning a violently glowing white and setting off a chain of explosions that tore the very essence of Exafanisi’s soul apart.

‘Rest in pieces, and burn! Plásma alésmatos:̱ Ekató chiliádes si̱meío tou fo̱tós!’ Sho repeated the move, again and again, till the ashes of the last burning pieces of the Golden Strands turned to ash, till even the remains of Exafanisi exploded with the force of five hundred thousand Hiroshima’s rebounded against each other for a thousand eons in just several microseconds. “Fare well!” Sho said as she returned to her watchful post as a single Red Strand rose from the pile of ash behind her.

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Morgan looked in disbelief at what had just transpired in front of him. ‘What the fuck!?’ the severed head thought to itself, as the mind started to come back online. “Dearest sister! I’ve miss you ever so much!” Joseph said in honey sweet tones that made Aneeh shiver in her non-boots. ‘I re …

Hello folks… seems to be how I always start these things. A few nights ago in a chatroom labeled “Ning”, I was beset upon by the likes of a fat dude, who was drunk and angry (they seem to jiggle when they shake their blubbery wrists) and a dude with nothing else to do but scream and bash his fist into his face.

Fun stuff, always a treat.

Anyways, the two decided, by some interesting prospect, to change their chat handles to my chat handle, namely “Morgan James Gavin”. And then the fun started. While I simply continued on, powered by my own brand of “Shut the fuck up”, they simply retaliated in what they must’ve assumed was genius work.

But yours truly had a plan, I wrote lengthy bits without spaces, I changed my texts color and font, I used every available means to get them to stop.

I was like Stretch armstrong with a boner.

Needless to say, the man who loved the feeling of his bones breaking under the force of his own fist, loved me too much to go away. Much like Hatpiss111. Anyways, after a while I started getting a little bit interesting. Like I’m not already, but I digress. I delved into that seldom used part of my mind that becomes my ultimate weapon.

That’s right folks, my realization about EVERYTHING! I ripped the “Fist to face guy”, (or was it the “Fat Jiggly One”? I can never remember) a new one so vast he had to change his ID twice to get the sting of my verbal tornado out of his mind. I was genius! I was epic! I was like one of the rare few, who upon climbing Mt. Trebek, stabbed the fucker in the head with a jello shot! Yes….

It was that epic.

But I digress my fellow readers, blogstalkers, and of course, e-stalker, I went into this phase of mind where things simply clicked into place, and my truest, most pure essence came out like a vat of fondu cheese being poured on a chicken greased up during a mud wrestling match! And during this relentless persuit of the meaning of the varied Human existence, I nailed down three positively epic truths:

1. Everything is a pain in the ass routine we simply need to repeat everyday in order for us to feel good about ourselves.
2. Cybah stalkahs, bullies, and Glenn Beck, feel they deserve the spotlight on them entirely. Any deviance from them results in a catostrophic meltdown.
3. The mind and the body, while interconnected, are separate entities when it comes to being able to be copied. While the body, having a genetic code unique to itself can simply be cloned, can’t be duplicated, the mindset of any person can by other people.

You already knew that right? But it does some interesting things. I’d rather not get into that because if I do, then all Hell will break loose, and there are ten of the little fuckers, so I don’t want to try. That and I’m a bit lazy. So it all evens out in the end. Truth be told, I’ve been too busy to even remember the simple things.

Like my cellphone.

And where I put it after I finished using it.

Seriously, its ticking me off.

You can always count on me to cause some sort of interesting ruckus around the place, considering that I’m usually the one at fault for something that might’ve been completely harmless at one point. And normally, if it had been any other year, and I had learned of Posterous, I would have gladly been ranting and raving about the unfairness that the Victorvalley college ASB had doled out on me for several reasons which I can never remember. Truth be told, it was some fun summer loving that got me all riled up.

Well… not exactly, mostly it was my own fault for not opening my mouth and speaking my mind about any old thing. Because lets face it, life’s more interesting when you’ve been blamed for everything from misunderstandings, to almost getting into an intentional fight because of something you wrote on the net. And maybe I should just leave the comments on so Hatpiss can get his few measley idiotic words in.

….nah.

Hey, I don’t care what he has or hasn’t been writing on that stupid blog of his, I’ll say what I want on this about him. Besides, Hatpiss aint his ID so I can’t get in trouble for writing something about something named Hatpiss can I? Unless there is a Hooters like establishment named Hatpiss. although I think that if there were, I don’t think they’d be selling beers there. Infact, Hatpiss might actually turn out to be a good title of a movie.

Oh well. But lets face it folks, if you watched any of the political attack ads, you’d know, and I’m sure you’ve noticed a simple theme streamlining each of these horrid debacles.

They all are lowering themselves to appeal to the younger audiences. I mean seriously, we’ve gone from intelligent ads that display facts about the person they are attacking to simple demon sheep.

DEMON SHEEP! OH MY GOD! As if the intellectual bar has not fallen closer to the ground than the amount of effort Hatpiss puts into each of his creepy little demon sheep filled entries. I’m kidding of course, Hatpiss doesn’t have any demon sheep. Just creepy little entries of self depreciating hate. ZING AND BOOSH! At any rate, when we have things like demon sheep running about in places where the Youtube generation seems to get a kick out of it, then we actually do have to question whether or not our educational system is doing any good.

Dont fire the teachers, lead the stupid ipod lemmings to a cliff and push one off to see how many others jump off in hopes of being the cool kid on the block. Because that’s whats happening folks. The youth of today is simply not smart enough to engage people intellectually with out the use of Wikipedia, Google, Bing, or Yahoo. Or texting for that matter. They are simply bred into a world where technology has taken a firm grip of God’s balls and squeezed so hard, that motherboards pop out his tear ducts.

Fifty terrabit motherboards mind you.

It’s God, so he shouldn’t be in the much pain.

Speaking of tech, it seems that China will be getting its own balls squeezed by the fact they underestimated the use of Google.cn being shut down. I know it’s just breaking news, but here is my prediction.

China, with out a real sense of what the fuck to do with out Google, will simply go insane, as businesses spiral out of control, the people finally get a glimpse of just what the hell they are missing out on regaurding pay checks, and then China’s Prime Minister’s head will implode on itself (figuratively speaking) and the Communist nation will go into a white zone where shit just starts progressing.

I’m all for the freedom of speech, and the fact that in a world where information is just gushing out everywhere, China’s population is still in the dark about what is out there. I mean really, if people knew what they were missing out on, then wouldn’t progress be made through the natural selection act made possible in the year ‘The Single Moment Time Began’?

What I don’t get is what China is so afraid of. What, they want to be stuck in a 1950’s like paystub for the rest of eternity, or at least until the sun explodes and kills us all off? Seriously. What the fuck is up China? Why you gotta be a bitch like that huh?

Kidding. China’s not the bitch of the world, Hatpiss is the bitch of China, who is the bitch of the universe. Feel that? I just traded China for a pack of smokes.

While I was editing this mighty blog of mine, some other more interesting thoughts came to mind, of which I willeth displayeth hereth foreth youeth. Revenge of the Eths!

1. If Chuck Norris and Betty White got into a fight of cosmic proportions, do you think Africa would start talking shit to Oprah?
2. Regaurdless of whether or not the afterlife exists, do ghosts get boners?
3. Do Gerbils have healthcare plans?
4. Ten thoughts never thought about are about to be thought about. Think about it.
5. Does Stephen Hawking ever get any action in that chair of his?
6. If a extreme wrestler enters the womans restroom, does he come out looking like Jodie Foster after a botched surgery?
7. Do demon sheep get it on with angelic lions?
8. I really don’t like cheese and cookies if taken together.
9. Tosh.0 is nothing more then a Youtube commenter with a flashy entrance and a top hat. HE HAS A FUCKING TOP HAT!

Among these more, interesting thought I have is the monumental procedure in which everything just goes to shit, and you are simply bombarded by strenuous thoughts, by which no man will escape with out thinking his balls have shrunk into raisonets.

That and my eye brow is twitching. Imagine that. I think that would be like if some strange person decided to stand on a soap box and slap his junk around with a tazer in front of a bus filled with extreme Japanese conservitives with cameras. Think about that shit, that would so fucking happen in New York.

Speaking of awkward things happening to an unsuspecting public. Apparently a TV network aired two hours worth of porn previews during a childrens show line up. You know, this kinda gives a new meaning to the title “Dora the explorer”. Yeah, you saw where I was going with that shit, didnt you? Lmao.

Now for the grand finally, where I blurt every single thing that comes to mind like the back of a Russians foot after failing ice skating to the Sweds. Oh I went there, no matter how inaccurate I am, the Ruskies lost! And we still got our asses handed to us in hockey by the Maple Syrup Suckers. Canada, I’m talking to you. Lucky bastards.

Oh hell, I think my brains going to explode into a shower of epicness with the likes that Heman shall never see. Because he’s a fucking cartoon, dicks. If ever there was a moment in time where I could travel through time, and kick someone in the face hard enough to send them forward in time, to where they knock someone back in time to kick me in the shins? I would so do that in a heart beat. Oh yeah this is something I’ve always wanted to write in a public forum:

HITLER WAS A FUCKING JEW! TAKE THAT KKK OF THE WORLD! HE WAS A FUCKING JEW!

My apologies to the Middle East, I was only saying that to piss the KKK off. OOO! I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING ELSE!

Let Gay Black men into the KKK you stupid redneck hicks! So what if they want to hate against their own kind! It’ll give you something to laugh at while your kids flunk out of school and get raped by Billy McfFeelemup!

My apologies to anyone with that unfortunate last name. And my awesome congrats to the bloodline that belongs to.

Now that Im thinking about it, what would a pot of fondu cheese being poured on a greased up chicken during a mud wrestling match actually look like? NBC’s coverage of the Winter Olympics, marred only by Glenn Beck and Eric Massa tickling it out in the verbal ring of death! CREEPY LITTLE WHITE GIRL FELL DOWN GO BOOSH!

Another thing, fucking G key keeps popping out of the damned keyboard! WHAT THE FUCK G KEY!? YOU THINK YOURE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO STAY IN PLACE!? HOW DARE YOU FUCKING THINK YOURE BETTER THEN THE SPACE BAR! STAY PUT FUCKING G KEY! STAY THE FUCK PUT!

I sure told that G key. Damn it.

The one thing I hate more then the feeling like you have to piss and shit at the same time, is when you have to piss, shit, burp, fart, and sneeze at the same time. Thats gotta make an awkward family picture right there.

I also will declare a Fatwa against my boogers if they don’t leave me alone

Jihad Janes story: I watched “Desperate Housewives of OC and thought that I wanted to blow up the United States of MY FUCKING NOSE HAIR WONT LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY!?

Wow… Two thoughts that should never go together. Change that… Three thoughts. Nose hairs, terrorism, and “Real House wives of Orange County.

Well, that wraps up this insane thought fest. Now to edit and put this sucker up! Another four pages of fucking editing!

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Hello folks… seems to be how I always start these things. A few nights ago in a chatroom labeled “Ning”, I was beset upon by the likes of a fat dude, who was drunk and angry (they seem to jiggle when they shake their blubbery wrists) and a dude with nothing else to do but scream and bash his fist …

WORLD WIDE BABY! WORLD FUCKING WIDE!

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Kim Lecest, one of the three keepers of time and space, sat in contemplation over what seemed to her, a giant board game. Her blue eyes looked over the card board cut outs of each of the characters, analyzed the situation and made her move. She couldnt touch anything of course, she cold only influence events to her wishes. This was the unfortunate drawback of being a Keeper of Time. Though she knew perfectly well the details of how she became one of the three to begin with. “We only needed someone to keep Charmines chair warm till she returned from oblivion.” the grey orb with the purple clown wig stated calmly. “Now will you fucking pass go already? We have events to keep in tact… And I dont want everything to end because you are taking your candy assed time, moving that fucking boot two spaces!” the orb said angrily as the hundreds of holographic screens showed various views of the war between the Chasm and the Door.

 The fact that Kim had joined the three was reason enough for the Door to begin moving against the Chasm. “Tell me something Charly. Why cant we interfere with anything, but only influence them?” charly, the grey orb with the purple clown wig seemed deep in thought over something most particular. “Kim Lecest, your needed down there right now. I will certainly tell you the reason, why indeed, when you have returned. Oh and while your out, can you pick up some celery? Its poker night tonight and Sermone makes this really good celery dip.” Kim nodded calmly. “Yeah, I’ll pick up your celery for you.” she said, unconvinced that the orb knew what he was actually talking about.

 The war between the Door, the Chasm, and the Colossus of Darkness had reached its boiling point. Quite literally. There was a small layer of water about two inches high, that just started bubbling. And the colossus had the nerve to start chopping some carrots, celery, lettuce, tomatoes, and fuzzy bunny slippers. Simply for the plain fact that the colossus loves fuzzy bunny slippers in his eradication soup. “Are we still in the Dream Dimension? Or has it really been destroyed?” Morgan said as he took notice of the random events that seemed to be popping up every now and then. “Well I wouldnt be surprised at any of this.” Nordafet replied with a bit of non chalance. “After all, both the Door and the Chasm has beings in their army from all three dimensions. And the Golden Strands are rife with their energies.” the deom was simply standing there, proud as can be, as japanese maids brushed him off with their brooms like in curling. “I shit you not, this is every mans dream.” he smiled as Morgan simply punched a nonobot in the face.

 Exafanisi had been beaten down, her arms ripped out of their sockets as Sho took three sledge hammers and pounded her into the ground. But the Golden Strands that held up Exafanisis body would have none of it. “OH HO! So you simply reform after that eggshell body of yours shatters?” the fragment taunted as Exafanisis left arm became a laser battery with ten turrets. “Temachismó aktínes tou fo̱tós!” she said as a ball of black energy swirled into being. “Well, this shouldnt be too painful, but since were laying at that game, I think I should join in the fun as well! élki̱thro kataigída sfyrí!” Sho said as she sprouted ten extra long arms, the wrists nothing more then well oiled ball bearings inside sockets. The hands themselves ending with ten hammers, each weighing around two tons. “You know, this could either end really badly, or really great! Wnat to exchange Facebooks afterwards?” Sho said as the plant woman released her black energies and they seemingly smashed into Sho’s body with little remorse. “I only use… Google Wave.” the ball of energy increased its mass tenfold as Exafanisi spoke the words.

 Captain Jake Boiling Waters observed a strange vessel aproaching his portside, it seemed as though the Golden Strands slammed a wave into the hull of the Deadman. “ALRIGHT YOU RASCALLY SEA DOGS, PREPARE TO RELEASE OUR NEW KRAKEN! THE OLD ONE GAVE US TWO WEEKS NOTICE, BUT STILL! THIS ONES GOT SPUNK TO IT! Grote zee kraken versie twee!” Captain Jake bellowed out as a mostrous entity with six hundred spindly, razor edged, glow in the dark testicles flailing about floating just meters off the surface of the dakr grey waters. “Uh… Captain… Some of the guys were talking about the krakens replacement, and we were wondering who it was. You know, what are his standards?” his First Mate asked curiously. Captain Jake simply pointed at the six hundred razor sharp, glow in the dark testicles that seemed to be destroying the Golden Strands approach to the Deadman. “It has lots of dangerous balls First Mate. And right now, it’s throwing those dangerous balls at the Golden Strands. And that is a job NO man should have to suffer through.” the Captain said proudly as he wept a tear. The First Mate seemed confused at the Krakens actions. “But who would be daft enough to do that?” “Bill O’keefly from accounting. He just applied for the job, because let’s face it, only Bill is ugly enough, mutated enough, and egotistical enough to throw his man hood into anything that resembles the blender of Hell. And that’s why he got the job. Look just return to your post already.” Captain Jake Boiling Waters order his First Mate.

 In Fretuni’s dimensions of the mind, which was simply put, a maze of huge mirrors, smoke, and green lasers shooting every which direction, he watched the Golden Strands slip through his dimension and simply devour the poor guardian right where he stood. And then he exploded right where he stood as more and more clones of the illusion Guardian simply appeared. The Golden Strands, in a swarm like bruised ego fashion, attacked everything in sight like it had instantly won the Oscars. The Fretuni clones detonated with the force of twelve Hiroshima’s each. The shock waves, decimating the millions of lightyears of Golden Strands that invaded his deimension. “I’m sorry, but as Gandalf once said, YOU SHALL NOT PASS match class.” one clone said as a spear of the Golden Strands shot through him, the clone next to him, an avid and fiercely defensive nerd, and uber fanboy of the lord of the rings, started to say something, until he too was put in his place by the ultimate uber nerd. The Chasm of Non-existence. “YOU SHALL NOT LIVE TO SEE ME PASS!” it screamed through the golden mass.

In the Council of Tens chambers, Technarl saw with his own two eyes as both Captain Jake and Fretunis seats simply vanished, along with Gothemos, and Clocks, leaving only Technarl, Muden, and the last Guardian who had been recently put into a regenerative chamber to recover from his wounds. “Are you still having trouble?” Kim said as her hands danced along Technarls dented sides. “Yeah, we are, we just lost four of our number, along with Asteroth and Segroth, the Box, that only leaves us with three guardians left! DAMN IT! HOW COULD THNGS HAVE GOTTEN THIS BAD!?” Technarl shouted as he punched a hole in the wall. “Oh no… No… This isnt happening! Kim get out of-” Technarl was interrupted as the Golden Strands slammed into him through the hole in the wall he made with his fist. The guardian of technology was engulfed in the Golden Strands as they invaded every crevice in his body, spikes ramming through at random places. As joints were shattered, gears were stripped and wires ripped from their places, Kim only caught a glance of the Guardians demise, but she knew that her job had been done as a Keeper of Time. “Now I just need to pick up that celery. Fucking poker night.” the woman in the red dress said as she simply faded from the guardians building.

 The Creature had been punching Morgan in the face for some time now, not even realizing that the form of Morgan slowly wobbled with each hit that landed on him. “You just about done here? Because the Morgan you want is way over there, waving to you. See?” the Creature ripped the fake Morgans head from his shoulder and finally noticed that he was right. Morgan was just standing there, waving as though he was bored as he was talking to Nordafet. “Well, this hsould be fun. Time for me to do my thing… Again.” the Human said as he changed into his lost wolf form and charged straight at the Creature. “Hinekure ta kangae no furui otoko no onara no arashi! Hamu wo, ha ni makikoma reru no bitto to rāmen no hakai kappu!” Morgan screamed as giant fists of toxic and noxious gas slammed into the Creatures face first. The Creature, with his eyes spurting oil like a badly done porno, clenched his face. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? IT’S LIKE SOMEONE SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE WITH A DIRTY DIAPER!” he screamed as the black liquid with silver cracks that made up his body turned brown. “Oh no you just FUCKING did not!” Morgan couldnt help but laugh. “THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!” the Human cackled as the Creature simply held out his hand. “Morti artiglio, trio suprema del tornado distruttivi!” the Creature spoke in soft tones as Morgans own attack was used against him. “You fucking pri-” it was too late for Morgan as three tornadoes slammed him to him full force as the Creature continued his assualt.

 “foresta di fulmini, pioggia di ghiaccio, tuono di magma, ass jack con un bovino prod!” the Creature raged as Morgan as slammed with fourteen petawatts of lightning, a blackhole of magma, and and several thousand instances of slick slabs of ice slamming into his neck, legs, and groin. “You see Morgan, I can live with you interfering in my affairs!” the Creature shouted hysterically. “In fact, I was much better off just being the Beast!” the Creature said as his mechanical bones started growing with within the black and silver liquid. But, no more… I was weak as the Beast, and still weak as the Creature. I will become something even more fantastic!” the mechanical being grew from within the liquid violently as the Creatures laughs became more like Morgans every moment. “WHAT IS IT NOW FRIEND! DO YOU NOT ENJOY THE ASPECT OF MY TRANSFORMING, TRANSMOGRIFYING, EVOLVING BEYOND EVEN YOUR CONCEPT OF CHANGE!?” the Creature spoke as hands ripped through his mouth that were similar to Morgans, but covered with cracks that pulsated with red light, the hands formed amrs that connected to shoulders, that sprouted a torso, that punched out a waist which connected to legs that fastened themselves to fett which anchored themselves to toes. “My evolution is complete Morgan. I am no longer the Creature, nor am I the colossus of darknessColossus of Darkness. Nor am I just some part of some idiots armor.” the thing in front of Morgan spoke.

 “I… Am now the leader of the nonobots, the being born of rage, fueled by hatred, unleashed upon thel ight of the world!” it said as Morgan grabbed a bag of popcorn, some 3D glasses, and sat in a movie theatre style seat to watch its lame performance. “I AM ANTIMO!” it shouted as thunder and lightning erupted from the gorund around Antimo. “Thats it? Antimo? You couldnt think of anything more original than that piece of crap name?” the Human questioned eagerly. “Good god! At least try to come up with something with some weight to it. Antimo… Fucking hell… I cant believe I wasted twelve bucks on this. YOU OWE ME TWELVE BUCK!” Morgan shouted as he pointed at Antimo.

 

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