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The black and gold Syrup struggled to form into a recognizable shape as the Bloody Strands and the Golden Strands watched with a mild curiosity. “You stupid bitch! You’ve unleashed the one thing I cannot defeat!” it screeched in fury as it retracted back into a tight ball the size of a watermelon.

“Resaec? I thought you died! I saw Morgan smash you to death with the giant robot’s foot!” the Bloody Strands asked, quite shocked to see her former master alive and well. One thing she noticed right off the bat was that Resaec seemed to have lost all his ambition for the most part. “I-I don’t know where I am… O-or who I am!” the Black and Gold Syrup shouted as his liquid form tried to stabilize, but for some reason he couldn’t.

Resaec, snapped to attention as green and dark purple numbers flew across his eyes at blazing rates, and then his body slammed into the floor. “I know who I am. But… what am I?” the Watermelon Cop asked as his movie played on the big screen, caught unawares that the Golden Strands was at his front door, delivering unto him a folder full of jelly.

“So… you don’t know what you are?” the Golden Strands asked, wildly amazed at this turn of events. The former God of Terror shook his head as the Watermelon Cop scratched himself while answering the door, recieving a deadly blast of folder jelly to the face. ‘Fuck… the Wife’s not going to be happy when she gets home tonight.’ he thouht to himself as he returned to watching his Puppet Porn.

“I know who I  was  but… what am I?” Resaec asked again, quickly gaining his composure. The Bloody strands quickly intervened. “Resaec, you… you’ve become a weapon… an extremely devastating weapon of limitless power, with so much potential that you could in fact, devour entire universes in a single day… just like us.” the Bloody Strands sighed.

“Yes… Caasi is right. We are weapons made to destroy, engulf, consume, and obliterate everything we come across. You however, our new confused Sibling… are different.” “Different? How am I different!?” Resaec asked as he slowly formed his old body again with little to some trouble.

“You are Syrup, we are Strands. Strands shoot outwards, can twist and turn, create drills and spikes! Sryup… only suffocates and drowns its victim in a painfully agonizing acidic bath.” Resaec smiled and started to remember the shame that Morgan had put him to when it came to fights. “Well… then I assume that we three represent each of the three Dimensions?” the Golden Strands laughed insidiously as he formed a octopuses body and slapped tentacle after tentacle on the floor, pushing towards the Black and Gold Syrup.

“There is no Dream Dimension. There is no Waking Dimension. There is no Nightmare Dimension. The Reality of the mind has died, along with its Guardian, Asteroth.” Resaec could hardly believe his ears, “What!? My Kingdom is dead!? My home land is no more!? TELL ME WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DESTRUCTI-” the Golden Strands wrapped all eight tentacle as the Syrup’s neck, only for them to pass through harmlessly.

“I am.”  That was all it took for Resaec to cover the Golden Strands in front of him with a thick layer of inwardly crystalizing sryup. His ice cold eyes watched with out mercy as his new found enemy screamed in agony while giving him one warning.

“I AM ALL CONSUMING! THIS IS BUT A SMALL PORTION OF MY BODY!” the Golden Strands raged as the crystal’s compacted his form till there was no life left in the small sphere. “Then we shall find the your Heart, your Brain, and your Soul… and crush them with the hate and pain that you have caused all who’ve suffered at your hand.” Resaec said calmly as he sank into a puddle and slithered out of the former Council of Tens chambers.

The Bloody Strands were left in the room wondering what was to become of the event she had just witnessed.

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The black and gold Syrup struggled to form into a recognizable shape as the Bloody Strands and the Golden Strands watched with a mild curiosity. “You stupid bitch! You’ve unleashed the one thing I cannot defeat!” it screeched in fury as it retracted back into a tight ball the size of a waterme …

There is a place of such a high level of funk, so much hipster jive, so much hippy smell that it only has a few residents. That place is named the Simian Mobile Disco, an intergalactic toilet of the refuse that the god of funk spits out. These, are their tales!

may 30th, 2099pm.

It’s a normal day for the members of the funky secret society known as the Simian Mobile Disco as their members congregate for their daily net trollings, link sharing, and interpretive dance classes. The leader of this group is known as Darkside, a short chubby guy with a bush bigger then the afro on his head. He points galantly at the screen with one hand, and does the disco duck with the other, motioning his fellow Simian Discoers towards him. “Actually watch this shit people, its fucking amazing.” he says in a loud, proud bravado while punching the unfunky demon Dyethemblack in the face, who simply decides to convert and join the SMD in their on going three hour quest to find Suffers missing bag of Doritos!

DyeThemBlack, a small taiwanian girl with big black glasses and even bigger bright pink hair that puffs out from underneath her Stormtrooper helmet sighs, “It’s not the original video, which is even better. Oh wait, I thought you were talking about Hustler.” she says, adjusting herself while playing with hula hoops. Darksides eyes burst wide open, as his mind rockets towards the very funky thought of watching the original video and having unadulterated sex with Dyethemblack “THERES A BETTER VERSION?! WHERE?” the leader of the SMD striking a funkalicious pose and pointing towards the frozen, but slowly melting corpse of the former Admiral Barney Fife.

Suffer, the SMDs technological guru holds up a mighty, and neon colored hologram card with the correct link to the original video, while flashing a back lit, glow in the dark peace sign in the frozen corpses direction, for no other reason… then to be funky! “Here you go.” he says simply, with cool and forward thinking undertones. Dyethemblack snatches the hologram away from the tech guru and gives it to Darkside with a smile and a bit of jiggliness from jumping. “Here!” she says coyfully, “My link is better because it’s from me! tee hee!”

Suffer shakes his head, and notices that Darkside’s blond bush is growing faster, but decides a flamethrower would be better then an futuristic electric shaver. He sets the proud, inter planetary funk master a light in a desperate, and well earned, plea for more space in the small eight by ten room.

IN THE FOURTH DIMENSION!

“She lies!” he says, pointing his left index finger into the side of her right boob, “My link is the best link ever linked!” Suffer brags as disco porn music fills the air, and the bass starts pumping!

IN THE FOURTH DIMENSION!
   
Darkside grabs a hold of Dyethemblack, and plants a kiss on her, and then spits to the side as he watches the video that was linked to him. “um… not as good… IN THE FOURTH DIMENSION!”

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There is a place of such a high level of funk, so much hipster jive, so much hippy smell that it only has a few residents. That place is named the Simian Mobile Disco, an intergalactic toilet of the refuse that the god of funk spits out. These, are their tales! may 30th, 2099pm. It’s a normal day …

The black orb sucked in dirt, gravel and bits and pieces of the Cutting Dimension itself as Xela laughed evilly. ”Agemo, Agemo, Ix, Un, Um!” he crowed as the black orb of crotch energy was dry humped into an even more ferocious form as it grew arms that ended in razor blades, legs that ended in rusted chainsaws, gnashing horrid teeth that shredded the very daylight from the sky, and an evil eye that finally did what many could not, shut the women on the View up for ten minutes. And in those ten minutes, Alex saw the fullest fury of what he was going up against. 

“Xi, Nu, Alpha, Omega!” Alex roared back as a halo of lightning zapped into being over his head and a bright white orb started forming inside of it. ”Through the power of God shall you be known, and through the power of Darkness shall ye fail!” Xela screamed as he rushed towards Alex with unparalleled speed, as Alex simply directed the beams of light that shot from the white orb. 

“Alpha, Omega, Mu, Nu, Xi!” the beams curved left, then bent right, then drove themselves underground while Xela took a moment to gloat. ”Ha! You can’t even-” Alex smiled as the beams slammed through Xela’s head and body as it fell to the ground like a rag doll. 

“I can’t believe he was that… never mind. I guess we have to fight.. well… what ever that is.” the Preacher sighed to himself as he pointed in disappointment at the black orb of crotch energy still rampaging towards him. ”Mu, Nu, Xi, Omega, Alpha!” the Preacher called out as the monsters black lightning like hands slammed him to the ground, and punched him through the chest into the air. The white halo shot off the top of his head and wrapped itself around its neck, the monster shivering as it was slowly choked of the life giving air.

 ”Nu, Xi, Mu!” Alex called out, rocketing the monster up into the air under one pillar of light, and while ten thousand more slammed through it from above. The thunderous explosions let him know the deed was done.Mu and Nu looked at each other, then to Alex, who had simply sat down while the still smoking remains of Xela slowly, and jerkily stood up.

 ”You… you think I’m done with-“ ”Nu, Mu!” the Negapreacher fell to the ground as his body was pelted with explosive darts that ripped through his glass like body as if it was a wet paper bag.  ”Yes… I think you are done with me. But I am not done with you. Tell, me where I can find the one known as Pi?” Aex asked with a smile on his face as Xela’s head still lived.

 Xela simply smiled and started to glow. “birthday cake.” Alex was confused by this. “huh?”

Xi smiled as he recognized his brother’s voice. “You bastard! Why’ed you attack us like that? And more importantly, why’ed you give up so easily?” the Fragment asked its sibling.As Xela’s body shrunk into a shard of blue crystal, Alex opened up the tray in his neck and placed Pi’s shard next to Alpha and Omega’s,  near Mu, Nu, and Xi’s as well. 

“Well that certainly was invigorating, and easy to use as well!” Alex said happily, continuing on his way as the Fragments conversed amongst themselves. They were located inside a memory of Alex’s where he was in a conference room with a large table that had thirty one leather seats. Alpha and Omega next to each other, while the four sat together to the right of Alpha. ’So I guess this means we’ll have to call ourselves something right?’ Omega asked quietly.

Alex listened in on the conversation, and often asked questions about where they might need to go to find this Fragment, or if there was any meaning in the number of letters in their names. ’Actually there is, now that you mention it. The larger the name, the stronger the Fragment, but at the same time, the smaller the name, the more spread out the attack will be.’ Pi explained. ‘My brothers and I are the weakest of the thirty one Fragments of Reality, but Alpha and Omega are the weakest of Stigma’s group.’  Alex was simply amazed that the Fragments had their own ranking systems.

“Stigma? Who’s that?” Alex asked as he stepped over a tiny blue whale that was beached. “Wait, you guys are named after theGreek alphabet?” ’Yeah, pretty much.’ Omega chimed in. She put her hand in Alpha’s and the kissed, which drew a few retching sounds from Mu and Nu. 

‘Heta is our leader. Alpha and I are from the Quaquin group of the Fragments. While Mu, Nu, Xi, and Pi are from the Duotri, lead by Sho.’ Omega continued. Alex had a lot to take in, since he had just learned about the Fragments only two weeks ago. “So that must mean there is a third leader floating around there somewhere. Right?” 

‘Correct, her name is Stigma, she’s the leader of the Sexasept group.’ Mu answered happily. ”So does that mean someone is the boss of those three?” Alex questioned. 

‘How do you mean?’ Alpha replied as he looked around the room. ”You know, like a leader that Stigma, Heta, and Sho report to?” 

‘Nope. Those three were elected leaders by majority vote, the way they lead is different. Stigma leads by strength, Sho leads by wisdom, and Heta leads by defense.’ Xi said in a weird tone of voice.Tina slammed the blue Pool Noodle down on Chrissy’s head while Tina Door slammed the woman’s head into a pile of rocks on the ground.

 ”So is that the best you can do?” Chrissy said as she wiped dirt off her face. ”I’m bored of this, SCENE CHANGE!” the reprsenative for the chasm roared as the pool noodles turned into boxing gloves packed to the gills with hundreds of yotta tons of tiny Hydrogen bombs and a watter bottle filled with Nitro. 

“Why?” the Knight in bloody armor said as he was socked in the face by Al Gore with one such boxing glove. The explosion defied all laws of governing physics, as the of the explosion was not only direct, but focused in such a way that not even the Chasm could imagine the devastation. Chrissy barely had time to react, in effect, half her rib cage had been ripped clear off her body, and she simply fell into the continuous stream of yotta degreed energy. ”Guess that means I wi-” Tina’s legs were shredded from beneath her as the energy bounced off the ground and slammed through her face, and fell to the ground. The Door and the Chasm giggled in silence as they secretly enjoyed that tiny spectacle which they watched, as the energy, with no real place to go, simply refracted out of a tiny prism that turned it into a rainbow of death. A new voice raged out of the energy stream, 

“I am Royg Biv! Leader of the Prism People’s Revolution!” the man said as he stepped out of the rays of death like light, and was instantly cut in half by his own creator. ”MOTHER FUCKER!” he shouted in pain.

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The black orb sucked in dirt, gravel and bits and pieces of the Cutting Dimension itself as Xela laughed evilly. “Agemo, Agemo, Ix, Un, Um!” he crowed as the black orb of crotch energy was dry humped into an even more ferocious form as it grew arms that ended in razor blades, legs that ended in rust …

Hello folks… seems to be how I always start these things. A few nights ago in a chatroom labeled “Ning”, I was beset upon by the likes of a fat dude, who was drunk and angry (they seem to jiggle when they shake their blubbery wrists) and a dude with nothing else to do but scream and bash his fist into his face.

Fun stuff, always a treat.

Anyways, the two decided, by some interesting prospect, to change their chat handles to my chat handle, namely “Morgan James Gavin”. And then the fun started. While I simply continued on, powered by my own brand of “Shut the fuck up”, they simply retaliated in what they must’ve assumed was genius work.

But yours truly had a plan, I wrote lengthy bits without spaces, I changed my texts color and font, I used every available means to get them to stop.

I was like Stretch armstrong with a boner.

Needless to say, the man who loved the feeling of his bones breaking under the force of his own fist, loved me too much to go away. Much like Hatpiss111. Anyways, after a while I started getting a little bit interesting. Like I’m not already, but I digress. I delved into that seldom used part of my mind that becomes my ultimate weapon.

That’s right folks, my realization about EVERYTHING! I ripped the “Fist to face guy”, (or was it the “Fat Jiggly One”? I can never remember) a new one so vast he had to change his ID twice to get the sting of my verbal tornado out of his mind. I was genius! I was epic! I was like one of the rare few, who upon climbing Mt. Trebek, stabbed the fucker in the head with a jello shot! Yes….

It was that epic.

But I digress my fellow readers, blogstalkers, and of course, e-stalker, I went into this phase of mind where things simply clicked into place, and my truest, most pure essence came out like a vat of fondu cheese being poured on a chicken greased up during a mud wrestling match! And during this relentless persuit of the meaning of the varied Human existence, I nailed down three positively epic truths:

1. Everything is a pain in the ass routine we simply need to repeat everyday in order for us to feel good about ourselves.
2. Cybah stalkahs, bullies, and Glenn Beck, feel they deserve the spotlight on them entirely. Any deviance from them results in a catostrophic meltdown.
3. The mind and the body, while interconnected, are separate entities when it comes to being able to be copied. While the body, having a genetic code unique to itself can simply be cloned, can’t be duplicated, the mindset of any person can by other people.

You already knew that right? But it does some interesting things. I’d rather not get into that because if I do, then all Hell will break loose, and there are ten of the little fuckers, so I don’t want to try. That and I’m a bit lazy. So it all evens out in the end. Truth be told, I’ve been too busy to even remember the simple things.

Like my cellphone.

And where I put it after I finished using it.

Seriously, its ticking me off.

You can always count on me to cause some sort of interesting ruckus around the place, considering that I’m usually the one at fault for something that might’ve been completely harmless at one point. And normally, if it had been any other year, and I had learned of Posterous, I would have gladly been ranting and raving about the unfairness that the Victorvalley college ASB had doled out on me for several reasons which I can never remember. Truth be told, it was some fun summer loving that got me all riled up.

Well… not exactly, mostly it was my own fault for not opening my mouth and speaking my mind about any old thing. Because lets face it, life’s more interesting when you’ve been blamed for everything from misunderstandings, to almost getting into an intentional fight because of something you wrote on the net. And maybe I should just leave the comments on so Hatpiss can get his few measley idiotic words in.

….nah.

Hey, I don’t care what he has or hasn’t been writing on that stupid blog of his, I’ll say what I want on this about him. Besides, Hatpiss aint his ID so I can’t get in trouble for writing something about something named Hatpiss can I? Unless there is a Hooters like establishment named Hatpiss. although I think that if there were, I don’t think they’d be selling beers there. Infact, Hatpiss might actually turn out to be a good title of a movie.

Oh well. But lets face it folks, if you watched any of the political attack ads, you’d know, and I’m sure you’ve noticed a simple theme streamlining each of these horrid debacles.

They all are lowering themselves to appeal to the younger audiences. I mean seriously, we’ve gone from intelligent ads that display facts about the person they are attacking to simple demon sheep.

DEMON SHEEP! OH MY GOD! As if the intellectual bar has not fallen closer to the ground than the amount of effort Hatpiss puts into each of his creepy little demon sheep filled entries. I’m kidding of course, Hatpiss doesn’t have any demon sheep. Just creepy little entries of self depreciating hate. ZING AND BOOSH! At any rate, when we have things like demon sheep running about in places where the Youtube generation seems to get a kick out of it, then we actually do have to question whether or not our educational system is doing any good.

Dont fire the teachers, lead the stupid ipod lemmings to a cliff and push one off to see how many others jump off in hopes of being the cool kid on the block. Because that’s whats happening folks. The youth of today is simply not smart enough to engage people intellectually with out the use of Wikipedia, Google, Bing, or Yahoo. Or texting for that matter. They are simply bred into a world where technology has taken a firm grip of God’s balls and squeezed so hard, that motherboards pop out his tear ducts.

Fifty terrabit motherboards mind you.

It’s God, so he shouldn’t be in the much pain.

Speaking of tech, it seems that China will be getting its own balls squeezed by the fact they underestimated the use of Google.cn being shut down. I know it’s just breaking news, but here is my prediction.

China, with out a real sense of what the fuck to do with out Google, will simply go insane, as businesses spiral out of control, the people finally get a glimpse of just what the hell they are missing out on regaurding pay checks, and then China’s Prime Minister’s head will implode on itself (figuratively speaking) and the Communist nation will go into a white zone where shit just starts progressing.

I’m all for the freedom of speech, and the fact that in a world where information is just gushing out everywhere, China’s population is still in the dark about what is out there. I mean really, if people knew what they were missing out on, then wouldn’t progress be made through the natural selection act made possible in the year ‘The Single Moment Time Began’?

What I don’t get is what China is so afraid of. What, they want to be stuck in a 1950’s like paystub for the rest of eternity, or at least until the sun explodes and kills us all off? Seriously. What the fuck is up China? Why you gotta be a bitch like that huh?

Kidding. China’s not the bitch of the world, Hatpiss is the bitch of China, who is the bitch of the universe. Feel that? I just traded China for a pack of smokes.

While I was editing this mighty blog of mine, some other more interesting thoughts came to mind, of which I willeth displayeth hereth foreth youeth. Revenge of the Eths!

1. If Chuck Norris and Betty White got into a fight of cosmic proportions, do you think Africa would start talking shit to Oprah?
2. Regaurdless of whether or not the afterlife exists, do ghosts get boners?
3. Do Gerbils have healthcare plans?
4. Ten thoughts never thought about are about to be thought about. Think about it.
5. Does Stephen Hawking ever get any action in that chair of his?
6. If a extreme wrestler enters the womans restroom, does he come out looking like Jodie Foster after a botched surgery?
7. Do demon sheep get it on with angelic lions?
8. I really don’t like cheese and cookies if taken together.
9. Tosh.0 is nothing more then a Youtube commenter with a flashy entrance and a top hat. HE HAS A FUCKING TOP HAT!

Among these more, interesting thought I have is the monumental procedure in which everything just goes to shit, and you are simply bombarded by strenuous thoughts, by which no man will escape with out thinking his balls have shrunk into raisonets.

That and my eye brow is twitching. Imagine that. I think that would be like if some strange person decided to stand on a soap box and slap his junk around with a tazer in front of a bus filled with extreme Japanese conservitives with cameras. Think about that shit, that would so fucking happen in New York.

Speaking of awkward things happening to an unsuspecting public. Apparently a TV network aired two hours worth of porn previews during a childrens show line up. You know, this kinda gives a new meaning to the title “Dora the explorer”. Yeah, you saw where I was going with that shit, didnt you? Lmao.

Now for the grand finally, where I blurt every single thing that comes to mind like the back of a Russians foot after failing ice skating to the Sweds. Oh I went there, no matter how inaccurate I am, the Ruskies lost! And we still got our asses handed to us in hockey by the Maple Syrup Suckers. Canada, I’m talking to you. Lucky bastards.

Oh hell, I think my brains going to explode into a shower of epicness with the likes that Heman shall never see. Because he’s a fucking cartoon, dicks. If ever there was a moment in time where I could travel through time, and kick someone in the face hard enough to send them forward in time, to where they knock someone back in time to kick me in the shins? I would so do that in a heart beat. Oh yeah this is something I’ve always wanted to write in a public forum:

HITLER WAS A FUCKING JEW! TAKE THAT KKK OF THE WORLD! HE WAS A FUCKING JEW!

My apologies to the Middle East, I was only saying that to piss the KKK off. OOO! I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING ELSE!

Let Gay Black men into the KKK you stupid redneck hicks! So what if they want to hate against their own kind! It’ll give you something to laugh at while your kids flunk out of school and get raped by Billy McfFeelemup!

My apologies to anyone with that unfortunate last name. And my awesome congrats to the bloodline that belongs to.

Now that Im thinking about it, what would a pot of fondu cheese being poured on a greased up chicken during a mud wrestling match actually look like? NBC’s coverage of the Winter Olympics, marred only by Glenn Beck and Eric Massa tickling it out in the verbal ring of death! CREEPY LITTLE WHITE GIRL FELL DOWN GO BOOSH!

Another thing, fucking G key keeps popping out of the damned keyboard! WHAT THE FUCK G KEY!? YOU THINK YOURE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO STAY IN PLACE!? HOW DARE YOU FUCKING THINK YOURE BETTER THEN THE SPACE BAR! STAY PUT FUCKING G KEY! STAY THE FUCK PUT!

I sure told that G key. Damn it.

The one thing I hate more then the feeling like you have to piss and shit at the same time, is when you have to piss, shit, burp, fart, and sneeze at the same time. Thats gotta make an awkward family picture right there.

I also will declare a Fatwa against my boogers if they don’t leave me alone

Jihad Janes story: I watched “Desperate Housewives of OC and thought that I wanted to blow up the United States of MY FUCKING NOSE HAIR WONT LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY!?

Wow… Two thoughts that should never go together. Change that… Three thoughts. Nose hairs, terrorism, and “Real House wives of Orange County.

Well, that wraps up this insane thought fest. Now to edit and put this sucker up! Another four pages of fucking editing!

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Hello folks… seems to be how I always start these things. A few nights ago in a chatroom labeled “Ning”, I was beset upon by the likes of a fat dude, who was drunk and angry (they seem to jiggle when they shake their blubbery wrists) and a dude with nothing else to do but scream and bash his fist …

WORLD WIDE BABY! WORLD FUCKING WIDE!

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Kim Lecest, one of the three keepers of time and space, sat in contemplation over what seemed to her, a giant board game. Her blue eyes looked over the card board cut outs of each of the characters, analyzed the situation and made her move. She couldnt touch anything of course, she cold only influence events to her wishes. This was the unfortunate drawback of being a Keeper of Time. Though she knew perfectly well the details of how she became one of the three to begin with. “We only needed someone to keep Charmines chair warm till she returned from oblivion.” the grey orb with the purple clown wig stated calmly. “Now will you fucking pass go already? We have events to keep in tact… And I dont want everything to end because you are taking your candy assed time, moving that fucking boot two spaces!” the orb said angrily as the hundreds of holographic screens showed various views of the war between the Chasm and the Door.

 The fact that Kim had joined the three was reason enough for the Door to begin moving against the Chasm. “Tell me something Charly. Why cant we interfere with anything, but only influence them?” charly, the grey orb with the purple clown wig seemed deep in thought over something most particular. “Kim Lecest, your needed down there right now. I will certainly tell you the reason, why indeed, when you have returned. Oh and while your out, can you pick up some celery? Its poker night tonight and Sermone makes this really good celery dip.” Kim nodded calmly. “Yeah, I’ll pick up your celery for you.” she said, unconvinced that the orb knew what he was actually talking about.

 The war between the Door, the Chasm, and the Colossus of Darkness had reached its boiling point. Quite literally. There was a small layer of water about two inches high, that just started bubbling. And the colossus had the nerve to start chopping some carrots, celery, lettuce, tomatoes, and fuzzy bunny slippers. Simply for the plain fact that the colossus loves fuzzy bunny slippers in his eradication soup. “Are we still in the Dream Dimension? Or has it really been destroyed?” Morgan said as he took notice of the random events that seemed to be popping up every now and then. “Well I wouldnt be surprised at any of this.” Nordafet replied with a bit of non chalance. “After all, both the Door and the Chasm has beings in their army from all three dimensions. And the Golden Strands are rife with their energies.” the deom was simply standing there, proud as can be, as japanese maids brushed him off with their brooms like in curling. “I shit you not, this is every mans dream.” he smiled as Morgan simply punched a nonobot in the face.

 Exafanisi had been beaten down, her arms ripped out of their sockets as Sho took three sledge hammers and pounded her into the ground. But the Golden Strands that held up Exafanisis body would have none of it. “OH HO! So you simply reform after that eggshell body of yours shatters?” the fragment taunted as Exafanisis left arm became a laser battery with ten turrets. “Temachismó aktínes tou fo̱tós!” she said as a ball of black energy swirled into being. “Well, this shouldnt be too painful, but since were laying at that game, I think I should join in the fun as well! élki̱thro kataigída sfyrí!” Sho said as she sprouted ten extra long arms, the wrists nothing more then well oiled ball bearings inside sockets. The hands themselves ending with ten hammers, each weighing around two tons. “You know, this could either end really badly, or really great! Wnat to exchange Facebooks afterwards?” Sho said as the plant woman released her black energies and they seemingly smashed into Sho’s body with little remorse. “I only use… Google Wave.” the ball of energy increased its mass tenfold as Exafanisi spoke the words.

 Captain Jake Boiling Waters observed a strange vessel aproaching his portside, it seemed as though the Golden Strands slammed a wave into the hull of the Deadman. “ALRIGHT YOU RASCALLY SEA DOGS, PREPARE TO RELEASE OUR NEW KRAKEN! THE OLD ONE GAVE US TWO WEEKS NOTICE, BUT STILL! THIS ONES GOT SPUNK TO IT! Grote zee kraken versie twee!” Captain Jake bellowed out as a mostrous entity with six hundred spindly, razor edged, glow in the dark testicles flailing about floating just meters off the surface of the dakr grey waters. “Uh… Captain… Some of the guys were talking about the krakens replacement, and we were wondering who it was. You know, what are his standards?” his First Mate asked curiously. Captain Jake simply pointed at the six hundred razor sharp, glow in the dark testicles that seemed to be destroying the Golden Strands approach to the Deadman. “It has lots of dangerous balls First Mate. And right now, it’s throwing those dangerous balls at the Golden Strands. And that is a job NO man should have to suffer through.” the Captain said proudly as he wept a tear. The First Mate seemed confused at the Krakens actions. “But who would be daft enough to do that?” “Bill O’keefly from accounting. He just applied for the job, because let’s face it, only Bill is ugly enough, mutated enough, and egotistical enough to throw his man hood into anything that resembles the blender of Hell. And that’s why he got the job. Look just return to your post already.” Captain Jake Boiling Waters order his First Mate.

 In Fretuni’s dimensions of the mind, which was simply put, a maze of huge mirrors, smoke, and green lasers shooting every which direction, he watched the Golden Strands slip through his dimension and simply devour the poor guardian right where he stood. And then he exploded right where he stood as more and more clones of the illusion Guardian simply appeared. The Golden Strands, in a swarm like bruised ego fashion, attacked everything in sight like it had instantly won the Oscars. The Fretuni clones detonated with the force of twelve Hiroshima’s each. The shock waves, decimating the millions of lightyears of Golden Strands that invaded his deimension. “I’m sorry, but as Gandalf once said, YOU SHALL NOT PASS match class.” one clone said as a spear of the Golden Strands shot through him, the clone next to him, an avid and fiercely defensive nerd, and uber fanboy of the lord of the rings, started to say something, until he too was put in his place by the ultimate uber nerd. The Chasm of Non-existence. “YOU SHALL NOT LIVE TO SEE ME PASS!” it screamed through the golden mass.

In the Council of Tens chambers, Technarl saw with his own two eyes as both Captain Jake and Fretunis seats simply vanished, along with Gothemos, and Clocks, leaving only Technarl, Muden, and the last Guardian who had been recently put into a regenerative chamber to recover from his wounds. “Are you still having trouble?” Kim said as her hands danced along Technarls dented sides. “Yeah, we are, we just lost four of our number, along with Asteroth and Segroth, the Box, that only leaves us with three guardians left! DAMN IT! HOW COULD THNGS HAVE GOTTEN THIS BAD!?” Technarl shouted as he punched a hole in the wall. “Oh no… No… This isnt happening! Kim get out of-” Technarl was interrupted as the Golden Strands slammed into him through the hole in the wall he made with his fist. The guardian of technology was engulfed in the Golden Strands as they invaded every crevice in his body, spikes ramming through at random places. As joints were shattered, gears were stripped and wires ripped from their places, Kim only caught a glance of the Guardians demise, but she knew that her job had been done as a Keeper of Time. “Now I just need to pick up that celery. Fucking poker night.” the woman in the red dress said as she simply faded from the guardians building.

 The Creature had been punching Morgan in the face for some time now, not even realizing that the form of Morgan slowly wobbled with each hit that landed on him. “You just about done here? Because the Morgan you want is way over there, waving to you. See?” the Creature ripped the fake Morgans head from his shoulder and finally noticed that he was right. Morgan was just standing there, waving as though he was bored as he was talking to Nordafet. “Well, this hsould be fun. Time for me to do my thing… Again.” the Human said as he changed into his lost wolf form and charged straight at the Creature. “Hinekure ta kangae no furui otoko no onara no arashi! Hamu wo, ha ni makikoma reru no bitto to rāmen no hakai kappu!” Morgan screamed as giant fists of toxic and noxious gas slammed into the Creatures face first. The Creature, with his eyes spurting oil like a badly done porno, clenched his face. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? IT’S LIKE SOMEONE SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE WITH A DIRTY DIAPER!” he screamed as the black liquid with silver cracks that made up his body turned brown. “Oh no you just FUCKING did not!” Morgan couldnt help but laugh. “THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!” the Human cackled as the Creature simply held out his hand. “Morti artiglio, trio suprema del tornado distruttivi!” the Creature spoke in soft tones as Morgans own attack was used against him. “You fucking pri-” it was too late for Morgan as three tornadoes slammed him to him full force as the Creature continued his assualt.

 “foresta di fulmini, pioggia di ghiaccio, tuono di magma, ass jack con un bovino prod!” the Creature raged as Morgan as slammed with fourteen petawatts of lightning, a blackhole of magma, and and several thousand instances of slick slabs of ice slamming into his neck, legs, and groin. “You see Morgan, I can live with you interfering in my affairs!” the Creature shouted hysterically. “In fact, I was much better off just being the Beast!” the Creature said as his mechanical bones started growing with within the black and silver liquid. But, no more… I was weak as the Beast, and still weak as the Creature. I will become something even more fantastic!” the mechanical being grew from within the liquid violently as the Creatures laughs became more like Morgans every moment. “WHAT IS IT NOW FRIEND! DO YOU NOT ENJOY THE ASPECT OF MY TRANSFORMING, TRANSMOGRIFYING, EVOLVING BEYOND EVEN YOUR CONCEPT OF CHANGE!?” the Creature spoke as hands ripped through his mouth that were similar to Morgans, but covered with cracks that pulsated with red light, the hands formed amrs that connected to shoulders, that sprouted a torso, that punched out a waist which connected to legs that fastened themselves to fett which anchored themselves to toes. “My evolution is complete Morgan. I am no longer the Creature, nor am I the colossus of darknessColossus of Darkness. Nor am I just some part of some idiots armor.” the thing in front of Morgan spoke.

 “I… Am now the leader of the nonobots, the being born of rage, fueled by hatred, unleashed upon thel ight of the world!” it said as Morgan grabbed a bag of popcorn, some 3D glasses, and sat in a movie theatre style seat to watch its lame performance. “I AM ANTIMO!” it shouted as thunder and lightning erupted from the gorund around Antimo. “Thats it? Antimo? You couldnt think of anything more original than that piece of crap name?” the Human questioned eagerly. “Good god! At least try to come up with something with some weight to it. Antimo… Fucking hell… I cant believe I wasted twelve bucks on this. YOU OWE ME TWELVE BUCK!” Morgan shouted as he pointed at Antimo.

 

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There was a loud crack in the air as the Colossus of Darkness threw its fist into the space just a few yards above the battle field where the forces of Existence and Non-Existence were waging a bloody war against each other and the monstrous planetoid that was attacking them both. It was pure hell as the Door was gradually being weakened by the backyard assault the golden strands had launched repeatedly against the Guardians realities, while the Chasms own problems seemed to become more apparent with each loss and rebirth of the soldiers it kept losing. It seemed as though with each rebirth, they became less and less willing to fight, but something kept at their heels none the less. Even Joseph had some trouble becoming motivated enough to keep the fighting spirit he usually had.

Enigmatt slashed his way through the endless amoutns of Creatures that Joseph threw at the Tingion prince, even throwing some food items at him noticing how badly he reacted when ever one of his own food based attacks was launched. “SKITTLE BIKER GANG!” Enigmatt roared as a giant bag of skittles fell from the sky. Enigmatt braced himself for the worst as the skittles, all with do rags, baggy pants, tattoos of the hard time they did in the bag of rainbow colored candy, and weapons filed into a seemingly orderly line. Enigmatt heldo ut his hand longingly, wishing for just a simple nibble upon one of the many delicious ten foot tall flavored snacks. But he knew his heart couldnt take the break up that well. He simply pointed his finger, and one of the ed skittles let a single tear drop down his cheek. “We love you!” “Don’t say that! Just go! Go attack your precious enemy, maybe he can give you the satisfactory fight that I couldnt!” Enigmatt said, hurt and betrayed.

Joseph simply looked awe struck at just how ridiculous this had all become. ”Oh for gods sake! Bahu pōrṭala mauta haṛatāla!” Joseph said as the Tingion of the red skittle with a black and white skull do rags continued their fighters quarrel. “He could never give you a punch to the face that I could! Remember that time in florida, the boxing club?” Enigmatt said, tears falling from his eyes like he smaller waves leading up to a huge tsunami. The red skittle had no choice. He turned himself around, his back to the Tingion and said quietly. “I will NEVER forget the power behind your punches. But we all have jobs to do, and even if those jobs mean we have to fight others… We are meant to do them! Understand!?” the red skittle said as the others nodded in agreement. Enigmatts tail drooped again. Several hundred glowing portals opened behind the other skittles. Enigmatt saw what was happening, but couldnt reach the others in time to stop the slaughter as wave upon wave of needles Shot through the skittle gang, falling the horde of rainbow flavored candies in just a few seconds. “NO!” Enigmatt yelled as he fell to his knees, holdingo ut his hands in a futile attempt to change what had transpired. The red skittle had lost his arm, and half its calf had been ripped to sheds as it limped back to Enigmatt, its mouth in a half smiled. “Thats it! Come back to me! you can make-” Enigmatt was traumatized, anger, and hurt even more by what happened next. Joseph smiled asseveral portals opened up all around the red skittle, blocking any and all exit. And causing Enigmatt to scream in roaring tones. “YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE! HES MY FIGHTER, AND YOU WILL NOT-” but he was too late. The Tingion prince heard the screams of pain and hopelessness that the red skittle emitted as sounds like machine gun fire ricocheted through Enigmatt’s ear drums. “No…” he sniffed as he hit the ground with so much force it caused a crater to form. “SKITTLE!” Enigmatt screamed with rage as his eyes turned blacker then the heart of a super massive black hole. “No more joking around Joseph.” the Tingion said in a deathly furious voice. ”Now is the time for you to pay for the death of my father.” Enigmatt summoned his sword and Shot straight at Joseph, who simply smiled.

Reason had Aneeh strapped to a laboratory table with nothing but a few sparse articles of clothing. “What do you plan on doing to me!?” Aneeh asked in a panicked voice. Reason simply put on a pair of rubber gloves, reached under the table and plled out a pair of prongs. “First, I’m going to explore every inch of your physiology. Then, I’m going to, as painfully as I possibly can, rip out those rune stones that are all over your body.” the split said as he smiled underneath the surgeons mask. “Unlike Morgan, who is a lot more reserved then me… I like going all out!” he yelled in an excited tone of voice. Credion simply locked the Door behind her as the man with the ocnstantly changing clothes began his work. Alex had just walked out of the forest of disection, with a back pack full of Leviathan jerky in one hand and a crystal ball in the other. Alpha and Omega trailed behind a little bit wondering about the past of Alex despirito, and why he had just this much power in his book of words. “I HAVE COME FOR YOUR SOUL PR-” Alex decided right then and there that he would just have to put up with the stupidity of the situation at once. “All right… COME ON OUT! ALL OF YOU!” the preacher Shouted at the edge of the forest line. He looked out into a desert full of blue sand and bright red trees for a minute. “What is this place?” he asked Alpha. “Don’t know. Pretty much in the same boat as you. So who have you taken out so far?” the fragment said as he tapped Omega on the hsoulders and pointed towards a slwoly growing hill. “So far, I’ve taken out Amon, and Leviathan. So… That only leaves… Lucifer, belphagor, Mammon, Beezlebub, and someone else… But I forget who exactly.” they preacher said as the four remaining Lords of Hell popped out of a demented clown car with the foxnews logo on it. “And there they are. LOOK, I know you’re just trying your best to kill me off, for whatever Reason you have, but I just iced two of your number… So back off.” Lucifer looked at Mammon with a bit of a confused attitude. “But your holy.” the prince of darkness said as his tail waggled to and fro. “And? GODS BLESSING TO YOU!” Alex screamed as he rammed a tiny pencil crucifix into Lucifers left eye. Surprisingly, nothing happened at first. “WHAT THE HEAVEN WAS THAT!?” the devil screamed as he grabbed his eye.

Alex stood tall none the less. “I mean, you could REALLY HURT SOMEONE like that!” Alpha looked confused. “Um… Excuse me, lord of lies, destroyer of all that which… Fuck it. Dude, we are trying to gather twenty eight others like myself and my sister here. Could you, like, I don’t know… Go away? all of you?” Mammon seemed uncomfortable with having something so tiny tell him off. “But-” “GO!” Alpha screamed as he pointed behind him into the forest of disection. “AND TAKE STEPHEN COLBERT WITH YOU! God!” “TRUTHINESS!” “SHUT THE FLYING FUCK UP STEPHEN, NO ONE CARES!” Omega said as she belted him across the back of the head. The remaining Lords of Hell shuffled past them until Beezlebub stopped suddenly. “Um… Can we have our cds back? I lent you my garth brooks collector’s edition, and I really, would just-” Alex stabbed the lord of hell in the eye with another crucifix. “WHAT THE HEAVEN!? dude he just wanted his Garth Brooks CD back!” Mammon said, then scurried past the trio while screeching in pain as Alex stabbed him in the foot with a knife. Alex looked at Alpha, who looked at Omega, who looked at Alex. “What? sometimes you just got to smack a lord of hell in the face. Reminds them whos really in charge here.” Alpha smiled quaintly as they continued their journey. “So what does this Doutri village look like? Hey look! A big pale of ice cream!” Alex Shouted with joy as he picked it up and started scooping large handfuls out of it to the horror of the fragments. “Like a big pale of ice cream.” Omega said as she snatched the pale away from Alex. “But… It can’t be a city, its too small!” the preacher protested. “Have you learned nothing with us? I mean, come on, we just told the Lords of Hell to go fuck themselves. And here comes Beezlebub again.” the lord of gluttony floated close to them. “Can’t I have my garth brooks cd back? Stephen wanted to listen to the sound track of jersey Shore… And then Lucifer stabbed him in the face with a tree.” Alex didn’t want to deal with this idiot anymore. “Fine… I’ll give you my ipod. If you promise not to come near me… Within five light years.” the Lord of Hell nodded eagerly as he queefed with joy.

Joseph and Enigmatt were in the throes of combat, each unleashing their most devasting attack, and neither giving up until a gaint foot slammed Joseph until the ground with a really loud squelch. “Okay then!” Enigmatt chided as he ran over to the exposed leg and stomped on the ankles. “TAKE THAT! Thanks huge gnarly dude!” the Tingion waved at the colossus of darkness before a red light engulfed him. “I have to go now of all times!?” he said as he disappeared from the war between the Chasm of Non-Existence and the Door of Existence. Morgan felt his twin leave as the Creature punched him in the face repeatedly until he fell off a cliff, landing in a pile of Deom chest plates and swords with the hands still gripping them. “How’s it feel Morgan? How’s it feel to be on the losing side for once!” the Creature Shouted with joy as his eyes focused. “The key of plains, that thing that Credion changed you into the beast almost five hundred years ago, causing this mess!? Where is it!?” the Creature asked excitedly as he jumped from the cliff and planted a foot onto Morgans face, pushing his head but a few inches away from the point of a pile of daggers that were pointing upward. Credion rose out of Morgan and watched with pity as the Creature she knew was long gone. “If only my brother were here. OH THERE HE IS! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?” Credion Shouted angrily at the Deom male running from what appeared to be a hord of japanese women in maids outfits trying to feather dust him to death. “A LITTLE BUSY!” he said with a pained expression of panic.

The Council of Ten were on high alert as Technarl directed each of their movements in order to counter whatever plans the Chasm might’ve put into place. “Oh you really don’t need to worry about the Chasms plans right this moment.” a clone of Joseph appeared to say as Technarl simple Shooed him away. “Well, we do one thel ess, now if you’re just going to buzz around my head all day, then I’ll obliterate you.” “Just like you obliterated barney fife?” the clone questioned innocently. “Wow… You are just full of surprises today arent you! GO THE FUCK AWAY!” he Shouted as three figures beamed into the center of the room. “You have things under control here?” the blonde woman in the bright red dress asked calmly with a smile on her face. “To a certain extent.” Technarl said without looking up. “Look, Kim, I don’t mean any disrespect here, but I’ve already got this jack ass of a clone pissing me off and screwing up the councils synch with the other Guardians. I don’t need you adding to our problems.” Technarl retorted. Kim simply walked over behind Technarls mechanical back and wrapped her arms around him in a lovers embrace. “I love the way your gears sound withi n that hollow metal body of yours, Guardian of technology.” Kim Lecest said with a coy tone of voice. “It makes me excited that you are the one to take over Segroths place after his death!” Technarl simply worked quietly, ignoring the keepers words. “Segroth? He died months ago, the Chasm placed a nonobot right under our noses, and it took a revival of barney fife to find that out. You know what that hsows? a lack of preparation on our part.” Kim squeezed tighter slowly, the metal plates covering Technarls body bending inwardly slightly. “Well, then keep doing your job. The other two are waiting for my report. I’ll be watching.” she said with a glee filled laugh. As she walked by the Joseph clone, she lightly tapped in on the forehead between his eyes. “Turn to ash.” she whispered in a ice cold voice. The clone burst into flame as raging infernos ripped through his body.

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