defenatley not what you think

custodi della realta, part 11.2

“Sho, Rho, Mu, Psi!” Kim shouted as Lego men and women clacked for their lives, their smiles hid the terror they were experiencing by only a small margin. Kim summoned up five trillion Doxies flying F16s, which made Morgan wonder how tiny dogs could see over the dashboard and pilot a multi-billion dollar fighter jet. But then he was distracted by their adorable eyes and let his guard down.

”THEY’RE SO FUCKING CUTE!” he shouted as all of them let loose enough firepower to really overcook a smore by a lot. The missiles passed by Morgan who had somehow grown a glow in the dark afro. “I…” he started while striking a pose, “Am the mighty and powerful Afroman! fear my poofiness! POOFINESS!” Morgan crowed as a ten mile wide ping pong paddle attached to a metal claw swatted the missiles back towards the trembling doxies. “I CAN’T WATCH!” luckily, the tiny dogs whizzed on the eject button and were sent somewhere safe. But they realized the horrid truth.

All five billion Doxies had wound up at a terrifyingly fat woman’s house, where she dressed all her dogs in frilly pink outfits and named them Nicole Bitchy. Back in Lego land, Morgan was busy bashing Kim into the ground with his Afro turned massively over sized duck tail. “Now feel the wrath of one who knows the power of dreams!” the Lost Wolf crowed as he created a black hole out of thin air and punched it. Kim laughed in confidence, thinking the black hole would swallow him up, instead, three hundred white holes opened up and she was instantly punched in every available space on her body. ”Chi, Psi, Phi! Rho, Sho, Mu, Nu!” she flung out each of her arms and unleashed a horde of Joan Rivers.

“Oh! Gawd! That hair is worse then the Emmy’s last night!” Joan said as she pulled a pin from the back of her head, and instantly, she became a man of such extreme ugliness, that Morgan took her out back and put her down like Old Yeller. He walked back in blue overalls, a cowboy hat, and a farmers tan with a shotgun slung over his shoulder.

“Had to be done, she was getting on in age.” he said silently as he walked past Kim. “Enough of this… tell me… why do you fight me?”

Morgan stopped, ‘That is a good question. I have not one good answer.’ he thought to himself as he continued walking towards the door. ”Answer me!” she urged him. Morgan still said nothing for a few seconds and then stopped.

“Well, we don’t have a choice. We continue to fight for what we believe in, or survival, or to invade, or to protect… in the end, its all just a pissing contest between two people. Speaking of which! Seishin shōben kōgeki.” he brought his hands to his temples, and Kim wet herself. “Me personally, I just like the feel of growing more powerful. you and I both know that the Door and Chasm can’t be destroyed forever, even now both sides are simply rebuilding their name sakes.”

This caught kim off guard, “You mean their just like sexual predators, waiting for their next chance to sexually assault some poor fellow in the hat?” Morgan was too busy getting his next attack in order to pay attention to the Hungarian bodybuilder sidling up behind him. He only found out too late, when she shouted the one word he would forever grow to hate. “Onglyza!”

“Ongly- fuck!” he shouted as the bodybuilder forcefully gave him a suppository up to his elbow. “Why god!? Why!?” the Lost Wolf shouted as he ran away from his opponents new best friend. Kim smiled, and new that he would simply give in from this point on.

“Okay… you want to play it that way? I’ll play then, YOUR MONTHLY GIFT!” Morgan smiled widely as she instantly received a cramped, bloated feeling and had to sit down. “Okay… I forfeit!”

“Damn straight you do!”

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custodi della realta, part 11

The black and yellow crystal the size of a bowling ball slammed into Antimo’s face, shattering upon impact, and knocking a few teeth loose as well.

“What the flying Hell was that!?” Antimo asked while in some serious pain. Nordafet was laughing his ass off when Tsan’s fragment crystal, now the size of a Hypergiant, drew him into the outer most reaches of the galaxy.

“Umagawdwhathafugisthat!?” Nordafet stammered in complete and utter terror. His terror was made more so when he was slammed into the surface of the crystalline Hypergiant. on the inside, Nordafet was drawn into the middle of the structure and heard the distant sound of trillions of hundred barrel gatling guns shooting off tiny nukes. “Well, that’s so cute!” Nordafet said with the wonder and joy of a child on Christmas morning. But soon, that joy was turned into a traumatizing deathblow to his being, when he realized that an infinite number of nukes were heading towards his exact location.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! fuck! fuck fuck fuck fuck! I’ve got to get the-” his sentence was cut short when the first one slammed into him, then ten more, twenty more after that, and seven thousand after that, unleashing trillions of metric quadratic tons of pressure onto his being. The Fragment of Reality laughed in a constant barrage of joy and fear. After all, he didn’t want to kill off his potential new home, and at the same time, he wanted to see what Nordafet was truly made of. ‘Come on! Fight back Deom!’ Tsan thought to the person trapped inside the insane levels of pressure. Nordafet, getting tired from trying to hold his form together, simply decided to split in half and gather the energy into himself.

“Damn it! Can’t believe it’s come to this! I hope the Deom Lords can forgive me for this, but I’m in desperate need of help!” the Deom’s top half formed a giant tennis racket and slammed the next thousand nukes back to the Tupac clones. The Tupac clones then released several postmortem albums, in which they are all subsequently blown up by their own nukes. Not surprisingly, it was deathly contraversial, full of swear words that even by today’s standards were more evil than two hump back whale on the Larry King Live show. The crystalline structure absorbed the energy released by the Tupac clones do rags and focused it into a being of such mind boggling size, that even Nordafet had tried to solve this with mathematics. He failed miserably when the being returned his test with a score of one.

“How the fuck did this happen!? I was sure I got a full nights rest and early mornings cram session in!” he exclaimed angrily as a familiar face popped right next to him. Antimo sighed, looked over at Nordafet, face still full of broken crystal shards, smiled a big toothy grin, and laughed. “HA!” Antimo was then kicked in the crotch by the red dwarf sized being.

”Oh… that stung.” Nordafet smiled. He thought long and hard about his current predicament as the nukes now attacked Antimo because he didnt pay them his rent on time. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Nordafet exclaimed as he raised a hand in protest. “I’ve got three questions! One! Who the fuck are you!? Two, why have you just outright attacked me!? Three? Do you know of a funny little guy with a preacher’s collar, a bible in one hand, and a shitload of Greek alphabet named Fragments?”

The red dwarf sized being shrunk down to the height of a three year old boy. Nordafet couldn’t help but try the airplane game on it. “And up we go! And up we go! Who’s my little monster!?” he asked with a jubilant smile on his face. He was answered with a right fist through the jaw. the jaw then stabbed itself into Antimo’s right eye ball.

“HEY! I’M WATCHING SOMETHING HERE!” he roared as he simply plucked the bone out and tossed it back to his friend. The three year old sized being answered Nordafet’s questions as it pooped onto his feet.

‘Oh…. no he didn’t… UGH! IT SMELLS LIKE HOW I FEEL ON MONDAYS!’ he thought to no one in particular disgust. The being spoke as it put on a sailor suit. “Number one, I am the Fragment known as Tsan, within me resides half the awesome power of the Fragments of Reality.” Antimo’s ears pricked up when he heard this, and while taking out the bowling ball shards from his face, “So where’s the… other… half?” he was answered when the shards in his hand combined and formed a tiny pink version of Megatron.

“Yo. Name’s Heta. You my bitch, Bitch.” she said without much enthusiasm. “Wow… was totally expecting you to be… bigger.” he chuckled. “You’re kinda cute!”

“Gimme my nanners, Bitch!” Antimo got her her nanners while muttering under his breath. “Ok… we got that much. So answer the other two questions already.” Nordafet commanded Tsan, who was now in a tiny cowboy outfit complete with plastic six shooters.

“Alex? Yes… we knew of him. Unfortunatley, he perished when he trespassed upon the Forest of Not Very Nice Things.” Nordafet was curious. “So… what was the place like?”

”Not very nice.” Tsan answered him, now in a bumblebee costume and face paint. “And the things in said Forest?” nordafet queeried,

“Also… not very nice.” “So let me get this straight, there is a Forest, where the scenery is not very nice.”

”Correct.” “And the things inside the Forest that’s not very nice, aren’t very nice either. Correct?”

“Yes.” Nordafet paused, and thought up something that just had to be nice. “Are there sugar cookies?”

Tsan thought for a moment. “Yes.” “Are they good?”

“Good? Yeah. But, they aren’t very nice.” Antimo couldn’t stop cracking up until Heta ordered him to get more nanners. Nordafet shrugged his shoulders and decided to test Tsan again. “So… there is a Forest, which isn’t very nice, and inside that not very nice Forest, there are not very nice things. But there are sugar cookies which are good, but they still aren’t very nice.”

“Pretty much in the namesake.” “I see…” Nordafet grumbled.

Antimo threw the nanners away. Heta wasn’t very pleased with him. “So what about the third question?” Tsan sighed. “We decided to divide up our forces to better help Morgan and everyone else.”

”Predictable…” “WHERE… THE FUCK… ARE… MY FUCKING… NANNERS… BITCH!?”

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The black and yellow crystal the size of a bowling ball slammed into Antimo’s face, shattering upon impact, and knocking a few teeth loose as well. “What the flying Hell was that!?” Antimo asked while in some serious pain. Nordafet was laughing his ass off when Tsan’s fragment crystal, now the …