defenatley not what you think

custodi della realta, part 10

The Puppet King sat alone between the volatile barriers that sat two million miles away from him on either side. His brow furrowed a little bit as he looked down upon the laser scapel set before him, trying to save a mans life. A bead of wooden sweat formed and fell off of the king, as the thin energy like strings gleamed a little of the darkness away form his thoughts. There wasn’t really much to think about though. He felt a little guilty that he wasn’t able to defeat the Gaurdians to obtain the power and strength needed the destroy the Golden Strands at their source.

“No… I can’t cut there.” he said out of the side of his mouth.

The nervous fat man strapped to the operating table, rattled off index names for a file folder labled under “Zoophilian Odyshee” skatebaording. Barney Fife got bored of playing doctor and casually tapped the laser scapel against the metal ring that surrounded the fat mans organs. A sad cloud formed over his head, the Puppet King not taking notice, not out of ignorance, but because there was too much at stake. “Why wasn’t I able to win!?” he screamed as the strings that rose to the infinite heights tensed up. The sad cloud had it’s faux black hair combed over its face as it simply bean cutting its wrists in an attempt to feel alive. The ice cold water flooded out of the wounds and crushed the nervous fat man under the tremendious weight of the sad cloud’s depression. Still no reaction from Barney.

“Why should there be a war between Existence and Non-existence? It just doesn’t make any sense! Don’t they realize that one cannot exist with out the other, and if one side should gain the upper hand over the other, then the tables will turn on the victor?” thunder rampaged across the lightless sky as the Avatars for the Door and the Chasm simply rose from the endless fog that slowly began the surround Barney Fife. “Why should you care of all people? Your no hero!” Chrissy Chasm scolded harshly.

“The Chasm represents all things the Door does not. And the Door shows all the things the Chasm cannot. So why should there be a war when it would be just as easy to forge an alliance between the two sides!?” Barney snapped back as he got to his feet just as the sad cloud floated on by the next mountain range, revealing a breath taking view of the single pulsating heart which bound all things together. Tina turned away from Barney, pointing outwards as Chrissy touched fingertip to that of her sister. Barney saw the colossal amount of force being exerted in the space between the fingers, and realized that should one touch the other, all would be lost. “This still doesnt explain the fighting though.” Barney grunted as he stretched his legs for a while. Tina laughed and shunted her hand just a bit more towards the center of the force ball.

“What’s there to explain?” Chrissy sighed, “Both Existence and Non-existence are simply states of flux, Existence being that light rebounds off of the body, therefor, you can thoroughly interact with the enviroment around you.” Tina’s hand had just punched through the other side of the force ball, her figertips, jamming themselves deep into Chrissy’s breast meat with out so much as a flinch from the woman. Tina laughed wildly as her sister simply stood there and finished explaining her own personal theories.

“And Non-existence-” she began with an audible shudder. “Is when nothing sees, hears, feels, or even perceives you.” her black and silver colored eyes began to glow sadly as she remembered the Chasm’s constant pain. Barney Fife seemed to understand none of it at all. Just then, he saw one warrior from each side step through the barrier and rush towards the other at almost insanely impossible speeds. A knight in bloody armor with several deranged looking blades seemingly piercing his body through out every angle of his chest flew from the Door of Existence’s side. While what looked like, much to Barney Fife’s exotic pleasure and gut wrenching disgust, a porn star in a french maid’s outfit from a shoot gone terribly wrong. Her legs and arms had holes, bursting with a foul stench of sour milk, Steve Jobs speeches about the new Iphone, and a Glenn Beck University degree in bullshitting. The two clashed with each other, raging against the other with almost lion like ferocity. But both were struck down in the first blows and simply swapped sides and ran towards each other again.

“It just seems so pointless to be fighting a never ending war in which you just get revived on the opposite side you started out on. So please,” Barney pleaded with the two Avatars for the massive opponents, “Tell me! What real choice does the Lost Wolf have? To fight or not to fight? To just wake up and pretend like none of his struggles or losses meant anything? What is it that you are both trying to say? is it simply that no matter how hard we try in our meangless lives that well simply restart on the enemies side, no matter who they happen to be?” the puppet king shouted with a deep, open, roar as tears leaked from his eyes. “Why did my master revive me? What possible point did he have to make!?” his fist hit the floor of fog with such power behind it, that the shock simply ripped a nearby Edgar James Lipton a new one. To which he was thankful.

The Puppet King looked up in fury, he was fighting a battle long since stale mated, there was nothing to lose anymore in his mind. “FINE!” he roared, as his mind twisted and splintered from the stress of everything.

“YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT!? YOU WANT TO KEEP FIGHTING A POINTLESS BATTLE THAT HAS A BEGINNING BUT NO END!?” the knight blindly charged at Barney Fife with both fire and rage in his cold, dead, and long since blinded eyes with sword drawn and shield flung at the Puppet King’s head. Still furious at his predicament, Barney let the shield connect with his head, the chip that was carved out, deep enough for it to stick out like a sore thumb. “Then I shall fight. Not for the Door of Existence, whose only merit is light rebounding off of it. Nor shall I fight for the Chasm of Non-existence, whose cold and deathly grip offers nothing more than a disturbed clawing of Reality.”

The knight continued to charge towards the great Puppet King. “La Magia Cadena De Negro: Doce Toneladas De Títeres Araña!” he whispered as the Black Strings which filled his body shot from his back, forming a mountain sized black wing while he finished his thought.

“Magia Blanca Cadena: Desilusionados Guadaña Sangrienta De Los Titanes Alma.” the white string that Tsuren Tao filled him with shot from his chest to form another giant wing. “Gris Cola Mágica: Titanes Araña Guadaña Sangrienta.” the Black and White string slammed together into a furious tornado of Hellish forces and twisted mind set.

“I… will fight for myself, and myself only! I CHALLENGE ALL TO ATTACK ME! REGARDLESS OF YOUR CHOSEN SIDE!”

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The Puppet King sat alone between the volatile barriers that sat two million miles away from him on either side. His brow furrowed a little bit as he looked down upon the laser scapel set before him, trying to save a mans life. A bead of wooden sweat formed and fell off of the king, as the thin …

custodi della realta, part 7.5

Alex De Spirito, charged with the gathering of the Fragments of reality, had just made the first actual mistake. He had spoken out of turn when Sho was speaking, causing gasps of excitement from the other Fragments around her.

“Why have you come here Human!? Do you not know of the danger you pose to us, just simply by standing in that spot!?” she yelled as Rho smiled, revealing the sharp diamonds in her teeth.

”It seems that one of our number wishes to challenge this… intruder to the death, for the right to gather our number!” Alex slapped his forehead, not really wanting to fight. ”Are you sure it’s because I’m standing in this spot? Couldn’t there have been some other spot in which you get angry at people for standing in?” he asked somberly as Rho, a large stony female with six arms and the Devil’s nuts as her weapon.

“Really!? Oh come on!” the Human groaned as Rho walked towards the Preacher with a glaring smile in her left eye. ‘Simply do as you did when Pi was testing you Alex, and everything should be okay.’ Nu said aloud in the circular room, watching with the others as Alex and Rho stood face to little toe.

‘He’s gonna be in a lot of pain… isn’t he?’ Alpha asked with a slight look of bemusement, Omega on the other hand, didn’t like the look of things at all. ‘If I recall correctly, Rho won over ten battles with just one of the Devil’s nuts. One! Alex better think of some interesting combinations, or Rho’s gonna beat the living fuck out of him.’ she said with a little bit of edginess in her voice.

“Nu, Xi, Mu, Pi!” Alex said as Rho jumped into the air as the battlefield became the inside of a large, brightly lit, red, rubber Voit ball. Icicles shot from Alex’s eyes and shattered against the stony body of Rho. ”RHO, RHO, RHO!” the Fragment roared as three of her six arms broke off and grew into three different versions of their creator.

“Meet Roh, Hor, and Ohr!” the Fragment lauded as the Devil’s left nut began to grow a wildly bright yellow. Rho simply punched this as hard as she could, and somewhere in the universe, the Devil wept tears of shame while holding his still bleeding crotch. “Attack!” the Fragment commanded as the copies surrounded alex. “Alpha, Pi, Xi!” the Preacher roared as tens of thousands of tiny clay spiders shot out of his finger tips and climbed all over Roh.

“Oh shi-” the Copy didn’t even have time to say the second word, as the weight of the tiny clay spiders increased dramatically and crushed her into a singularity, then exploded outwards, sending bits and chunks of stony body parts flying into the soft, rubbery surface of the Voit ball, where they rocketed into a single point of Orh’s face, gradually chipping through the back of her skull. “Wow… that was interesting.” Alex said as he began to smile.

The only Copy left was Hor, and Alex knew just how to end her existence. “Omega, Nu, Pi!” the Preacher whispered as several huge drills ensnared Hor at vital spots on her body. “HAVE MERCY! PLEASE!” she shouted as the slow whine of the drills groaned into roaring thunderclouds of death.

“Mercy? Then Rho should’ve never ordered you to attack me.” Alex said as he turned his back to her and threw out his hands for effect, then clenched it into a fist. The drills pummeled their way through Hor’s body as she screamed till yellow blood shot out of her mouth. The drills impaled themselves through her throat, heart, legs, right arms, and down her spine. Her screaming was replaced by a cold and lifeless gurgle. “What else have you to throw at me?” Alex said with little regard for the consequences.

‘That was most impressive!’ Omega said cheerfully, and then Rho attacked. ‘Nevermind…’ Alpha said happily, not know what surprises Alex might churn out.

“Alpha, Nu! Alpha, Xi! Alpha, Pi! Alpha, Mu!” the Human said as he bent over backwards, hand sprung into the air, and rebounded off the wall and shot straight passed Rho’s out reaching three arms. Rho turned around, only to find four monkeys on typewriters. “Huh?” Rho was confused until she bent down to look at the typewriters.

They each had ten miniguns. This made Rho very nervous. Alex once again, clenched his fist and the omnidirectional, omnidimensional, and really bright spray of drill like bullets pounded through Rho’s tough rock like skin. The monkeys finished writing and walked away from their typewriters. Rho’s covering fell off gradually, but her anger only served to make the Devil’s right nut excited. She simply punched it and felt the power surge through her. “Not done with me yet?” Alex said quietly. “Do you realize what’s at stake? Is this what you really want me to do? Waste time fighting, while the Golden Strands eat away at Existence slowly!? FINE THEN! TAKE THIS IN MY STEAD! ALPHA, OMEGA, NU, XI, MU, PI!” Alex roared as he simply socked Rho in the face repeatedly while lightning struck the place his fists landed.

Ten yotta volts, the force of ten billion suns exploding, and Alexs fury pounded Rho’s head deeper and deeper into the crater that was slowly forming beneath each and every blow. Sho jumped in to stop Alex’s next blow, but ended up on the business side of a lightning strike that slammed her entire nervous system to the bottom of her feet. ”AAAAAGH!” the Leader of the Duotri screamed as her body simply fell to pieces while alex continued to assault a slowly fading Rho. ‘Stop! your killing her!’ Pi shouted as he slammed his fist into the table, giving Alex a moment of numbness that shot through his body. The Preacher kept punching Rho’s face in like ten battering rams crashing through a wet piece of toilet paper.

Sho struggled to get her bodies limbs in working order while the rest of the Duotri tried saving their comrades life. “Enough Alex… it’s time to stop this.” a voice called out from the distance. The sound and dissonance scrambled through the Preacher’s mind like a tornado of Ginsu blades, severing all connection to continue this attack. The last of the lightning bolts struck Rho in the throat, carving a large chunk the went straight through, as Alex began to regain composure of himself.

Morgan, Aneeh, and Antimo stared at each other, then to the Families they had been traveling with, then to the giant foot of the Colossus of Darkness. One thought entered their minds before the foot slammed down like a meteor storm. ”Kuso jijī hōmu kōgeki fuchō!” Morgan shouted in a bored tone of voice.

A nearby retirement home for ailing Masters of Gravely Forbidden Exploding and Killing Techniques, which had been in the red for sometime was ripped from the ground and flew into the bottom of the Colossus’s foot, causing every Master in the building with Dementia, Alzheimer’s Disease, and Amnesia to slam into the nearest person, and detonated the building’s gas main. The explosion tore the Planetoids foot off, which was sent flying into a school for blind, deaf, and mute construction workers, who were being taught how to disarm a bomb with their fists. Antimo laughed at the proceeding explosion, like a child laughing at the fallen ego’s of the people inside the Mickey Mouse costume’s at Disney Land. Except for the fact that pieces of deaf, blind, and mute construction workers were piling on top of Antimo. Morgan laughed as both the pile and Antimo were stepped on by a roving foot of another Colossus of Darkness.

The two Planetoids began slow dancing all over Antimo’s broken and still laughing body.

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Alex De Spirito, charged with the gathering of the Fragments of reality, had just made the first actual mistake. He had spoken out of turn when Sho was speaking, causing gasps of excitement from the other Fragments around her. “Why have you come here Human!? Do you not know of the danger you po …

custodi della realta, part 6

Technarl seemed lost, he was looking at the Golden Strands right as they slowly ripped through the Councils chambers. Clocks body was torn asunder from the power of the Bloody Strands infiltrating his bubble and tore him apart like a bomb going off inside a wet paper bag filled with french friends.

“I… I… I have to get Morgan away from you!” the Guardian said as he witnessed the bloody splat on the wall dripping down slowly. The Bloody Strands bursting out of the puddle like the finale of a fourth of July fireworks display, screaming with infinite joy as it did so.

“It’s useless to fight me! I will find Morgan in this time, and put an end to his reign of terror! Once and for all! Atsukai nikui seigi jigoku!” the Bloody Strands roared as they multiplied and grew until they filled the Guardians chambers, killing off Technarl once more.It was like a simple firework going off, but the effect was massive, infinite in its power, and five hundred times faster then the speed of light. The red Strands swallowed every atom, regardless of who it belonged to, both Existence and Non-Existence were swallowed in the blanket of red that expanded faster than even Joseph could have moved.

“This is imp-” he was snapped in four the moment the Bloody Strands touched him, ending his role in the Chasm’s plans, but even the tear in space and time became victim to the Bloody Strands wrath. From the outside, it was nothing more than a ball of red, that simply kept on growing with out remorse, fueled ever more by the life energy of everyone it had killed. On the inside how ever, it was pitch black, empty, and almost infinite in its beauty. The Bloody Strands continued its path of destruction through out the dual realms of Existence and Non-existence, and then it exploded. Destroying everything and everyone all at once except for a few select individuals with deathly grave looking bananas in their hands.

But then the individuals themselves exploded into a Microcosm of Impossibility, where nothing made sense, and everything simply turned into a glowing green ball of Burger Hindi Juice. Which promptly and efficiently slammed into the nearest power line and exploded into an even more vast and expansive Greater Microcosm of even greater Impossibility. It was inside this Microcosm of Greater Impossibility the everything was returned to its original position in the universe of Existence and Non-existence, that the events of the past few days never seemed to occur, that Conan O’brian was still hosting The Late Show, and Jay Leno had to return his giant Chin Missile of Death. But still, that was the greater Microcosm of Impossibility, and outside that was just the Regular Microcosm where the individuals once stood holding their deathly grave looking bananas had once proudly resided. But now, the only beings who resided in this dismal reminder, this ferociously startling reminder of the carnage that had played out, like an orchestra’s sudden and strangely addicting urge to kick the person in front of them, where a group of drunken Japanese scientists that had just wandered out of a TGI Fridays with jello shots in hand, and a orange with a red button sticking out of it in the other.

“What the fuck happened!?” screamed the heftier of the four, finishing off his jello shot before breaking out in a poorly done rendition of that scene in footloose where Kevin Bacon just goes fucking nuts. “Press the button and find out George! Jeez! You would thing that after all those tests we did on the fat guy running from the giant cheese wheel of death, that you would get it through your head!” the eldest of them shouted, punching George in the face before doing a bad impression of Lady Kayne.

”Well… only one way to find out what actually happens when I- huh? Is that a monkey on a type writer!?” a third said, tapping George on the shoulder, just before recieving a strong right hook to the jaw. “Sorry Bob, I was aiming for George, why yes Bob, that is a monkey on a typewriter.” Steve said before picking bob up off the floor. The monkey on the typewriter was punching its typewriter in the face, and only stopped when it saw Steve, Bob, George, and Jennifer dry humping a coffin made out of lemon twists.

“Doesn’t that burn Jennifer?” Steve asked, as they stopped just before the monkey. “Dude! why the fuck haven’t you pressed the orange button yet!?” the monkey shouted as it pointed its finger at Jennifer, who instantly regretted drying all those lemon twists.

“Well… I don’t know…” she replied as she began dumping a carton of what bob hoped was talcom powder down the front of her pants before pressing the button on the orange. In an instant, the bloody strands retracted, slamming everything together in a mismatched representation of the Fox News organization as they knew it. And no one actually knew who the Fox News organization employed. Turned out to be the monkey at the type writer. Once again, Morgan had become whole and simply pulled out a chain gun from his pocket and blasted away at Joseph and Aneeh, who had almost but not quite, finished cloning Leonardo Devinci so that he could conquer the Door of Existence before putting on a tutu and exploding. Unfortunately, just minutes before that, Nordafet had put on the exploding tutu and danced his last Swan Lake with tears in his eyes and a very disappointed Ballet instructor.

“POINT YOUR FUCKING TOES!” she screamed. Morgan pulled out a second chain gun and then with the help of Master Splinter, defeated the monkey at the typewirter who had just finished his four thousand page novel about an apple and a orange who had fallen in love at the grocery store, were separated through an earthquake, and then reunited in the digestive track of Joe Biden. Needless to say the monkey wasn’t very happen with page two thousand seven hundred and fifty eight, because the price tag on the silver dress the apple bought conflicted with the current housing market on page three thousand eight hundred and ten.

It was ranked number one for ten straight years on the New Yorker’s best sellers list. Roger Ebert hated it.

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Technarl seemed lost, he was looking at the Golden Strands right as they slowly ripped through the Councils chambers. Clocks body was torn asunder from the power of the Bloody Strands infiltrating his bubble and tore him apart like a bomb going off inside a wet paper bag filled with french frien …