“Joshua Arhem… at your service, loving parents…” the man said as he walked through the purple, green, and golden energies that formed the portal. The body of Barney Fife, burnt beyond recognition, seemed to be healing itself at an alarming rate. “Do you know what would actually happen if that man learns that you two are actually working together? Have you not the slightest inkling of what could happen?” the Arhem man shouted. “All our planning will have been for nothing, the unleashing of the Golden Strands, that pointless little scuffle between you and the Door, and of course, this fucking piece of shit right the fuck there! Ugra thaṇḍara hai pan̄ca kā dēvatā!” Joshua shouted as a fist made of lightning and pure shock waves slammed into the slowly standing body of the former Robot King. “LOOK AT HIM! So pathetic, that he had to make up his own past to justify the fighting? Actually defending someone’s dreams!? Āyāma hai slēja hathauṛā slaima!” Joshua said as he bolted towards the shambling burnt remains of Barney Fife, flipped in the air, and with the lightest tap of his left big toe, sent the body flying into the air.

‘He was a real person Joshua, regardless of how you feel towards Barney Fife, he was a real person, with real potential, and ultimately, a real family that he left behind.’ the Chasm said in grueling tones. “Don’t you think I know that!? Who do you think gave him a syringe full of cancer cells!? Who do you think told him about a racing event? Who do you think was our father!? It was all me!” Joshua shouted as he pelted Barney’s body with blow after blow, the corpse doing nothing to stop his former father from breaking every bone in his body. The Door couldn’t stand the sight of a father beating up the corpse of his son. So it sent out a newly constructed Tina Door to stop him.

“Please Joshua, listen to your parents. We can still build him back to his former power. But in order to do that… we need to revive the Great Mouth!” Tina said, placing a single pinky in the path of Joshua’s oncoming foot.Joshua’s kneecap snapped in half, the pain pacing through his brain like a crack head rummaging for some leftovers. “Son of a bitch! That fucking hurt you god damned whore!” he screamed in pain as he socked Tina in the face hard enough to cause her brain to turn to liquid, causing black blood speckled with silver dust to pour out of her nose, mouth, tear ducts, and ear canals. “Why stop? He’s dead already! Why bring him back!? HE FAILED ME! HE FAILED THE ARHEM LINE, AND HE FAILED DEAREST GRANDFATHER! THIS STAIN MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE EXISTING!” Joshua raged as his fists slammed into the steel skeleton of Barney Fife. After another hour of making severe dents to the former Robot Kings body, he spit on his dead son and walked off. Still fuming, but unable to change his parent’s mind.

“Fine… do whatever you want… I will just kill him once I see a single hint of his return to the world of the living.” Tina gave the Chasm a knowing smile before she pulled the top of her skull off and poured out the remains of her brain. “That was interesting.” the goop said after Joshua left. It then formed the body of Chrissy Chasm.

 ”You think he knows that we aren’t really his parents? That he isn’t actually alive?” “No, and I don’t think we ought to tell him, not till he rejoins his brother in the Death Dimension. Seriously, he really does have anger issues.” Tina said with a slight laugh, scratching her nipple as she walked towards the Great Mouth. “Why the fuck do my nipples itch every time I get revived? It’s almost like a running joke!”

**** Morgan, Aneeh, and Antimo simply sat down and watched as the two Collossi of Darkness finished dancing with each other, and then proceeded to gouge each other’s cores from their centers.

“Simply put, wow… I’d like to see Sigfried and Roy top that number. Oh, here they are!” Aneeh exclaimed while clapping her hands. “And now, we will be playing with ze tiger! MOTHERFUCKER MY NECK!” Roy siad as the giant mechanical tiger malfunctioned and sliced the two performers in half, and simply exploded.

“Never mind! Anyways, I wonder what we’re going to do now that the Colossus of Darkness has died a gruesome, and yet somehow hilarious, death?” Antimo laughed.There was an awkward silence as Aneeh and Morgan looked at Antimo while Antimo simply picked his nose for five minutes. “Yeah… that’s not doing much to help our cause.” Morgan responded after Antimo plunged his arm up to his elbow up his nose and his fist came out the back of his head. “So Aneeh, tell me, what do you think- what the fuck is that sound!?” Morgan shouted as a bright colorful world, populated by fashion conscious dogs with a O.C.D like need to point out the obvious, seemingly slammed into the three.

When Morgan woke up, he noticed something right off the bat. He could lick his own crotch, which took care of some rather pressing questions he’d been privately wondering for sometime now, but more pressing than that was the crowd of rotting Wiener Dogs with glowing black eyes and cute sweaters on.  ”Yeah… this is more fucked up than the time that I had to go up against a horde of tennis ball shooting bats. Alrighty… what’s going on, who’s the evil person that did this to you, and how do I stop it?” Morgan asked in a series of barking noises. His furry red tail wagged excitedly as a giant Brindel Boxer with golden stripes going down his legs stepped from the crowd to face him.

“Well, well, well… look what the Mailman dragged in from the Waking Dimension… the Ruby Wolf, or rather, my former Master.” Morgan was still confused as to exactly how he become a wolf with bright and shiny ruby gem like fur until it hit him. “Ooh! That’s how it happened… never mind! So where’s the evil fuckhead I have to destroy in order to free this army of Oscar Mayer Rejects?” the Boxer pointed a front paw to the thing that Morgan had landed on. “Whoa… wait a tic… you mean to tell me that I landed on this evil mastermind when your Planet smashed into me?” Morgan howled with laughter. His red tail wagging away while the Wiener Dogs simply exploding into little puffs of confetti.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t the Great Evil. That was my Mother-in-law. She was still a little bitch - quite literally - but I considered her a plague upon the land. Come with me Master, I have things I want to show you!”Aneeh looked around her, there was something wrong, she could lick her own crotch, which occupied her time for a couple of hours before a deathly tornado of all things wrong with the world flared out of it. “Oookay! That was interesting. Now what?” she got up on all fours and realized she was traveling much faster, and she could smell and hear the very grass rustle in the weakest of breezes. “What in the world am I?” she asked no one in particular until she ran into a English Mastiff named Zorba.

 ”You, my fiendishly ugly friend, are a Chinese Crestid. I would recognized that hideously disfigured face anywhere!” Zorba laughed. The English Mastiff towered over Aneeh by fifty one inches, and was sixteen feet long from tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. “Holy fuck… will you mate with me?” Aneeh asked innocently, but was rebuffed by Zorba with a heavy pawed swat across her face.

Which only served to make her even more hideous to look at. “No! Only the most evil demon, that spawned out of the raging darkness, which was born of the foulest void, that lives in the most desperate of darkness’s would mate with you. And it seems that each time you are smacked, you becomes ten times more ugly than you were before. I want to test this theory out for myself. VOID SMASHING FART!” Zorba said as he grew five hundred times his original size.

“I must warn you that this will be more uncomfortable for you than me. I usually can’t feel a thing.” Aneeh wondered what this could possibly mean, but then instantly regretted the thought.Zorba squatted over the Chinese Crestid and pushed with all his might as a soft, warm glow was emitted from his anus that Aneeh felt incredibly at ease with.

“FIRING TUBES ONE THROUGH TEN THOUSAND NOW!” the English Mastiff roared as the soft warm light instantly focused into thirty thousand five hundred and seventy three individual minty smelling Ghostbuster’s with laser batteries ripping out their crotch’s. “WHAT THE FU-” Aneeh started to scream, but due to the overwhelming combined efforts of Zorba’s attack, the Ghostbusters crotch laser batteries, and the overwhelming stench from the soft warm glow, Aneeh was changed into a being of ugliness so foul, that Zorba instantly had a heart attack, brain fart, and multiple lawsuits, claiming defamation of Pari Shitlon’s ego.

Aneeh screeched with hag like tones as her tiny deformed, skeleton like paws ripped the happiness from a nearby smiley face’s heart, and turned him Emo with almost no hesitation at all. With no happiness to keep the smiley face going, he went home and ordered the Dr. Death self killing machine. He was turned down due to bad Credit and a history of making gross videos on the internet of himself dry humping a twelve foot tall squash by the name of Greg. Aneeh the Chinese Crestid, found herself at the mercy of a mountain sized English Mastiff’s brightly glowing anus, and the thousands of Crotch Lasering Ghostbusters that continued blasting her, thinking she was a Class Three Free Floating Ectoplasm. “Don’t cross the streams!” one said with a definitive fear in his voice.

“But it fucking burns! The stream of protons burns my penis like a fat person on a thanksgiving day giving the finger to Garfields owner John!” another Ghostbuster said, while unfortunately and mercifully crossing his crotch laser stream with another beside him. Aneeh, the Chinese Crestid, watched the Ghostbuster army vanish into a pile of dog crap that was in fact, a robotic Eggo of death. “Wha-” again, she was interrupted by Zorba’s cruise missile force stream of acidic piss which slammed into her with the force of ten thousand badly reviewed games hitting a fancy dance club.

“Ouch!” she said as her ugliness increased by ten yotta fold, enveloping her in a cloud of Plastic Sturgeons that had gained their medical degrees online while drunk at a frat party. Antimo looked up at the bright blue sky and chewed on his foot playfully, realizing that he had in fact, been turned into a Pug with a giant frilly bow. A bug eyed rabbit with a pair of demon wings roared across the sky, and then exploded into a fireball of Botox, fake eggos, and prism shaped like Paris Hilton shaped like burnt toast.

“Okay… this is fun!” he said as he ignored the happenings around him, until the semi clear Pug filled with a blue liquid filling with dark black orbs of evil destruction, was punched in the face by a Cat dressed up as a Mailman. “MEOW BITCH!” it screamed as it sprayed on Antimo’s freshly cleaned fur.

“You son of a bitch! I just cleaned that!” he screamed as his frilly pink bow became a giant baseball bat like fly swatter and attempted to unselfishly give the Mailman like Cat a good whupping. ***

Meanwhile, Tina Door, and Chrissy Chasm were busy reviving the Great Mouth when an undead Joseph rose from a nearby grave. “So… how’s the Death Dimension?” Tina said as she reconnected a nerve ending to a muscle group, testing it for internet speed, virus protection, and fake emails from Nigerian princes.  ”Lousy, they only have two types of food there, shrimp, and really bad dog food. I can’t believe what jackasses they are down there!” Joseph raged for a few seconds before noticing the double decker bus sized pair of demon lips Tina and Chrissy were working on. “So you two have decided to design avatars of yourself and work together for once?” both women punched him in the face and returned to their work.

“Yeah… although I have to admit it… the Great mouth is being a little bitch at the moment. Mainly because we’ve tried multiple times to get its mind back to the devious way it was when it lived…” Tina began as she wiped some sweat off her forehead. “But all we’ve managed to do is get it back to its nineteen eighties movie quoting self.” Chrissy finished.

“And we were never actually fighting. The whole Existence versus Non-existence thing seemed kinda overdone, trite, and bullshitty when compared to the threat of the Golden Strands, the Colossus of Darkness, and fried chicken.” Tina finished the thought. ‘Whoa… that is creepy when they do that.’ Joseph thought to himself.

The son of Joshua Arhem, Barney Fife, slowly regained consciousness. “Ugh… gag me with a fucking deep sea drill. I need to get to the Inner Beast and Sarah fast and let them-” “Pān̄ca paramāṇu pan̄ca bāra!” Joseph interrupted. “I’m sorry dearest Grandfather, but right now, we need you to sit tight while we prime you to kill off our dearest sister and your dearest grand daughter, Aneeh Arhem.”

*** The Brendal Boxer lead the way through a devastated landscape, that had formerly been the grand opening of a Petsmart with a military grade weapon defense system. “So Master, what brings you here?” the Boxer said as it trotted past isles of dog toys, leashes, fancy bejeweled collars meant for punishment for a dissenting opinion.

“Uh…. your Planet smashing into me, and my two friends.” Morgan said with a slight bit of annoyance. “And why do you keep calling me Master? and what the flying fuck is your name!?” he barked, the hair on the back of his neck rising just a little as his ears flattened. “No need to be alarmed Master, it would be normal that you don’t remember me. My name is Samson, I’ll introduce you to the leaders of Planet ‘Bounnisall Fourteen.” Morgan couldn’t argue with the name.

Aneeh had ripped off the plastic sturgeons, one by one, and turned them all Emo in seconds simply by looking at them. A Chihuahua with snake scales walked by named Medusa, was caught in Aneeh’s stony glare, and looked into a mirror to kill herself and be spared the agonizing Emo death which had already claimed fifteen thousand Plastic Sturgeons lives. However, for an unrelated reason, sales of Emo music went up by five hundred percent. Antimo the Pug lifted the giant fly swatter of evil destruction, and found the Cat underneath had not been harmed at all.

“Wow… you missed. Cat scratch saterday night fever!” the Mailman like Cat screamed as it unsheathed its claws to reveal tiny versions of Carson Daily doing stand up. Antimo yipped in fear. “My fith and only tenth in a number of other lists of things I don’t like! You sir, have slammed the gauntlet down! Defend yourself!” the Pug yowled as he bounded towards the Cat with fury in his eyes. Unfortunately, Antimo was only a foot tall, while the Mailman like Cat was over sixteen feet tall, this made his fury rampage towards his target fairly slow.

Ten minutes later, the two collided in what could only be described by a nearby village of tiny Communist ants, as a brutal smack down between a fairly large Cat dressed like a Mailman, and a tiny Pug.