defenatley not what you think
custodi della realta, part 7.8

Antimo was in a death struggle with Mailcat as it had become known in this strange new Dimesnion.

“What’s wrong? CAT got your tounge!?” it hissed as it smacked the clear liquid like Pug in the face with two sledge hammers, sending the small animal flying into the air, coincidentally knocking a nineteen fifties family out of the air as they were sitting down to enjoy a thanksgiving feast, made out of the man’s Mother-in-law and cheesey poofs.

“YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT! DOG FARTING POWER!” Antimo roared as he struggled to regain the shape of his true form. But it was no use, he was stuck in this dog form until a greater threat arrived. Mailcat gained twenty five experience points for defeating Antimo the Pug and evolved into Fedora Cat,  the ultimate form of Mailcat with the exception that it wore a fedora instead of a Mailman uniform.”With this! I can rule this Dimension in no  tim-“

“Acid web strike!” a friendly voice called out as a ball of smoking green webbing five times the size of Fedora Cat, exploded as soon as the ball had engulfed him.”Green Spiderman is on the job!”
“Red Spiderman is burning up with the blaing passion of youth!”
“Blue Spiderman is fucking depressed and is going to seek therapy for his various insecurities about running around in tights with two other guys!” the three voices rang out in unison.

“Oh crap, not these guys again.” the Pug ruffed annoyed that the three worst enemies he’d ever face were landing right in front of him.They were the Spiderman Brothers, each bitten with an elementally radiated spider in a high school musical, they have spent their lives annoying the crap out of the general populace for the last two minutes. And they also wore Red, Green and Blue Spiderman costumes, because they figured why not go with flare into battle.

 ”My passion is burning!” Red Spiderman said as his fists caught on fire with no effect to him what so ever.”I’ll melt your heart, and the rest of you while I’m at it at the same time!” Green Spiderman retorted, his webbing forming a beating heart.

“I’m going to go hang myself.” Blue Spiderman said with a bit of anger in his voice. “No one understands me!”Antimo was pissed off by this point and ripped their heads off with his hidden four hundred yotta power lever kamehamehack burning fury. “I hate Emo Spiderman!” the Pug retaliated. But just as the blast was about to connect, a black suited Spiderman flicked the blast away with his finger.

“I’m Emo Spiderman, I sing songs while crying and occasionally cut myself with my own webbing, to make sure that I’m part of a culturally dead society of costume wearing Midgets. And you’re going to pay for almost not tearing their heads off.” Emo Spiderman said as he bobbed his head to the music of what he thought was heavy metal, but it turned out to be a Kids Bop CD of Justin Timberlake’s songs. Which pretty much had the same effect.”Wow… so this is my Hell huh? INFINITE FACEBOOK SUPERPOKE WITH A GLASS OF RED WINE!” Antimo called out, but then instantly regretted it, after he mysteriously became aware that he had to poop.

“That is the power of Emo Spiderman! I make people want to poop!” Emo Spiderman shouted slightly depressed and tossing his hair out of his face. Red, Green and Blue Spiderman saw this as a threat to their masculine side and decided to combine their super robots to form White Spiderman.”Have no need to fear, an Underdog copyright infringement is here!” White Spiderman said as Emo Spiderman locked on to his target and blinked.

While Antimo the Pug was busy trying to poop out a battleship attack, White and Emo Spiderman were locked in a death struggle of epic Scrabble like proportions. ”D,O,G triple letter score!” White Spiderman said as he plastered the face of Emo Spiderman with what was hopefully webbing and not some other substance. Emo Spiderman opened his ribcage as energy gathered into his black, withered, evil, and beating heart, and unleashed a CMT awards show so devastating, that not even Antimo had the manners to pinch off his attack as Garth Brooks presented best porno in a country music video about old people and cart lifting.

The result was devastating, as Garth Brooks was on stage covered in shit, Emo Spiderman had a thick layer of definitely not white webbing all over his body, and White Spiderman reverted back into Red, Green and Blue Spidermen, only to find out that after a substantial time, Blue Spiderman had hung himself, slit his wrists, and wrote a note declaring he was gay and could not live in such a destructive environment, that and hated hated Emo people while secretly being Emo Spiderman to begin with.”Wow…. um… who are you then?” Red Spiderman said as the Pug yipped, growled, barked, and struggled to push a two ton anchor out of his sphincter. Needless to say, it was a complete and utter failure, as he now struggled to get around while a two hundred megaton Warship was connected to his ass.

He felt fucking macho about this. Meanwhile, Emo Spiderman turned out to be the real Blue Spiderman, and proved to his brother thus by saying”The tidal wave of my strength shall wash the Evil’s out of any harbor I come into port with!” this confused Red Spiderman and his promptly set his blue brother on fire.

“Burning web strike: Crotch shot of death!” Red Spiderman cried out as Napalm like webbing covered his brother. Who also happened to be a Tibetan Monk being chased by the Chinese Google Police.’Fuck this…” Antimo the pug thought to himself as the warship, still being connected to his ass via two ton anchor, fired off an Apoopalyptic hail of fire that burned the very countryside manner for rich old white people with stuffy families. This happened to be the very continent Antimo had landed on, and he soon heard from the surviving families Lawyers for endangering the wildlife with live ammunition, when the legal limit was only a nuclear holocaust of Pidgeon crap.

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Antimo was in a death struggle with Mailcat as it had become known in this strange new Dimesnion.”What’s wrong? CAT got your tounge!?” it hissed as it smacked the clear liquid like Pug in the face with two sledge hammers, sending the small animal flying into the air, coincidentally knocking a ninete …